Many moons ago I was going to write the great Canadian novel. I have countless notebooks, files and floppy disks filled with outlines, notes, character studies, beginnings, endings and various bits and pieces of my killer first novel.

I joined writers groups and took classes. I’m a voracious reader. I know how a novel is supposed to work. How hard could it be to pound them out? Ah to be young and idealistic. I have published some short stories and a couple of poems and who knows, I might get back to that novel one day.  My focus has changed since then. I simply enjoy writing and for now that’s enough.

In one of those distant classes we were supposed to come up with 100 things that describe a main character.  The theory was that even if you only used a fraction of that information in your novel, it would give you a better understanding of who s/he was and you would have stronger more believable characters.

I’d never thought about writing a list like that for myself before, but I noticed Tess over at Urban Gypsy  had done one and it made her more believable and it altered how I read her blog.

So at the risk of seeming self-absorbed,  here’s my list of 99 things about me:

1. I was born in 1963.
2. I am a proud Canadian.
3. When I was 15, I watched an uncle die of cancer on Christmas morning.
4. I’m not a big fan of Christmas.
5. I’m a fanatic non-smoker.
6. I was a heavy pot smoker for 10 years. (somehow that was ok)
7. I loved hallucinogens. (past tense)
8. In high school I was voted ‘most likely to die choking on his own vomit’.
9. I thought I’d be dead by 30. (so did lots of other people)
10. I still drink (micro brews), but rarely to access. (rye & ginger)
11. I was 17 the first time I asked for a vasectomy. (The doctor refused)
12. I got fixed right after my son (now 10yrs old) was born.
13. My 10-year relationship with his mother ended soon after that.
14. I LOVE being a Dad.
15. I wish he lived with me full time.
16. I have been a ‘scratch’ baker since 1981.
17. I worry that my body won’t hold up to the demands of another 20yrs of baking.
18. I’ve been at the same shop since 1988.
19. I make awesome bread. (More then 60 varieties)
20. I work straight graveyard shifts.
21. I got married for the first (and only) time in June 2004.
22. We met in person 11/11/01.
23. Her 17 yr old son lives with us.
24. She proposed to me on her knee in a restaurant with my Dad’s wedding ring.
25. My Dad died in 1994. So did my granny.
26. I wish my Wife and Son had met my Granny and my Dad.
27. The best people I have ever known are my Wife, Son and Granny. (Sorry Dad)
28. All I know about love I’ve learned from them.
29. I lost my virginity on a Mexican beach when I was 16.
30. The only alter I kneel before is between my wife’s creamy white thighs.
31. I have always been a very sexual person.
32. I kept many of my desires secret until I met my wife.
33. I told her before we got married that I am a cross-dresser.
34. Her only request has been that the facial hair and body hair stays ON.
35. We’re still having the best sex of my life.
36. If schedules allowed we’d have sex twice a day. We average 5 or 6 times/week.
37. We watch porn together.
38. We go to see strippers together. (We’ve had private lap dances)
39. I’m a sissy. Though what exactly that means is something we are still exploring.
40. Every night I brush and braid her hair and also file and massage her feet. I keep her nails looking pretty and her pussy nicely trimmed. (just for starters.)
41. In role-playing I’m usually submissive.
42. She occasionally fucks me with a strap-on.
43. I can wear the same harness to fuck her with 2 cocks.
44. We’ve also used the harness to hold a butt plug in me for extended periods of time. I think the longest has been about 4 hours (we went to a hockey game)
45. I wear women’s undies every day. We often wear each others.
46. Except for 2 pair of silk boxers, she tossed out all my man undies.
47. I have some clothes that could pass for male or female and I’ve gone out in these. The dresses and skirts are for at home only.
48. I know it looks ridiculous.
49. My toe nails are almost always painted.
50. I have silicone breast forms and would love to have a nice wig.
51. With kids still at home, my opportunities to get dressed are limited, but I doubt they’d be too surprised to find out. I’m guessing they’d prefer not to see dad dressed as a woman.
52. We’ve fantasized about including other partners, but so far have never done it.
53. She shaves my head bald every week.
54. She’s given me golden showers.
55. I go down on her during her period.
56. I’ve come in her mouth, cunt and ass all in the same amazing day.
57. We met on-line and still occasionally have phone and cyber sex.
58. I introduced myself by emailing her some of my erotic stories.
59. She thought I was weird. (Do you?)
60. I like to write lots of things, but especially smut. 
61. I’ve had several pieces published, both in print and on-line.
62. Every time you masturbate, god kills a kitten. (Or a puppy)
63. I’ve struggled with depression most of my life.
64. The past 5yrs have been the happiest of my life. (That’s an amazing statement considering my legal woes of the past 2 years.)
65. I have chronic lower back troubles.
66. I like giving massages more then I like getting them.
67. I drive a 2002 Mini Cooper. (Black w/ white roof)
68. I don’t handle stress very well. (Especially financial)
69. I’m a procrastinator.
70. I read lots of fiction.
71. I mostly watch cartoons on TV. (And porn)
72. I also watch the NHL and the CFL.
73. I can be a difficult person to get to know.
74. Tact and subtlety are difficult concepts for me to grasp.
75. I offend many people. Usually without trying. (very hard)
76. I had my first real job when I was 10. (I’ve never been unemployed)
77. I don’t understand having pets.
78. I owned my first business when I was 21.
79. I filed for personal bankruptcy when I was 24.
80. A second business I owned also ended badly.
81. Neither was a bakery.
82. I would love to earn a living writing fiction.
83. I know that that is highly unlikely.
84. I’m a very good backgammon player.
85. I’m a reasonably good cribbage player.
86. I don’t like winter or being cold.
87. I have a letter from Mr. Dressup. (a Canadian version of Mr. Rogers)
88. When I was 16, I got a speeding ticket on my bicycle.
89. I don’t eat anything deep-fried.
90. I don’t consider ‘fast food’ to be real food.
91. I’m a pretty good cook. My wife is a very good cook. My dad & granny were both professional cooks.
92. Coke not Pepsi. I’ll east any fresh produce except carrots. I don’t like lemonade.
93. I listen to mostly blues and jazz.
94. I love being by the ocean.
95. My wife says I’m sexy. (She’s a goddess)
96. I’ve broken teeth and toes. (my own)
97. I have a crooked smile. (botched orthodontics)
98. Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
99.  Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity; it just doesn’t work.