Except for three years in the mid ’80′s, I have been a baker of bread aka dough surgeon since 1981 and for more then 20 years after every major holiday I’ve decided that I’m to old for this shit. It’s a hot, sweaty and very labour intensive way to earn a living. And anytime you need to double or triple you’re production in a shift (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving) it takes its toll.

One perk of being a baker is that there’s always beer in the bakery. I did my apprenticeship with a German and he always said you should have a beer after work to wash the flour dust out of your throat before it gets into your lungs. (‘White lung’ is a common ailment of bakers.) I worked for a Dutchman for a few years and one of the products we made was beer bread and the bakers were allowed to drink one beer per shift. I’ve worked for an Englishman for the past 19 years and he says bakeries and breweries were traditionally part of the same business. They both revolve around the production of yeast and that’s why any decent bakery should have beer in the cooler. Or it could be we’re just a bunch of drunks.

There are a few perks for ♀ as well. Obviously fresh baked bread is one, but she also like how I smell when I get home. Man sweat mixed with the smell of the bakery is apparently very pleasing to her. Even when she’s not home to enjoy it in person she insists that I not have a shower before I go to sleep so she can cuddle up to my pillow and smell me when she goes to bed.

Another thing she is very fond of are my hands. Bakers have very strong hands, but unlike most other trades, my hands are smooth and not calloused. The only occupation I can think of that would be comparable is a massage therapist. But unlike a masseuse I can hold onto things that are very hot; like husking corn-on-the-cob right off the BBQ, or holding hot dishes (♀ *lol*) at the table while she dishes out.

Speaking of hands, do you know what’s weird? I remember my Dad as having huge muscular hands, but when ♀ proposed to me   she used his wedding band and it wouldn’t go past my first knuckle.

Anyway, the next time you’re trolling for men or trying to come up with a fantasy guy you might want to consider a dough surgeon. And if you happen to enjoy having your breasts kneaded like loaves of raw bread dough*, well then you should find yourself a baker.

* ♀ has pretty much cured me of that.

Cheers,

sss

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

5 Comments »

1. 

   My neighbour’s German, and a baker. I only ever see him drink beer after he’s cut the lawn, though.

   M worked at a bakery in the French speaking part of Switzerland to learn the lingo (he didn’t – he worked with a Portuguese and a Spaniard) but wasn’t even an apprentice baker so doesn’t count.

   My fave baker – beside you, naturally – is R. Cammareri in Moonstruck: “Chrissy, over on the wall, bring me the big knife. I want to cut my throat.”

   Alas, I am wheat intolerant (do you bake spelt bread?) and I think me and the baker would have difficulties synchronising our bio-rhythms…

   Comment by orchidea — April 9, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

2. 

   PS. *I should hope so! ~rolls eyes~

   Comment by orchidea — April 9, 2007 @ 4:35 pm

3. 

   i’d forgotten about him…one-armed, played by nicolas cage, right. that made me laugh out loud.

   the nice thing about being a scratch baker is i make a variety of breads; more then 60 at our shop…including spelt (light & dark), rice (plain & cinnamon and raisin) and lots of different ryes.

   and as far as the biorythms, ♀ likes having the bed to herself for a good part of the night. she moves around a lot and i steal covers. so it all works out.

   Comment by sweatshopsissy — April 9, 2007 @ 8:10 pm

4. 

   Another way to develop strong hands is to become a “paper boy” I’m not sure there are any out there. But at the age of 9 I was rolling the Chicago Sun Times, and the Chicago Tribune at 6 am every day. The Trib was the bigger of the two and the bulk of my deliveries. I had to hand roll and put a rubber band on each one. You do that 90 time a day 7 days a week for 5 years and you get some pretty strong hands. I can still open jars many people can not open, and when shaking hand I try not to overly squeeze but give a firm hand shake. I hate it when guys grip with too strong of a grip…what’s it proving. But I can see how working dough and muscles kind of go together.

   Comment by Tom — April 10, 2007 @ 1:58 pm

5. [...] I’ve mentioned before, Easter is a very busy time for sweaty bakers, but I did get Good Friday off. Unfortunately, ♀ had to work and being her ‘Monday’ [...]

   Pingback by Sweat Shop Sissy — April 12, 2007 @ 3:56 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment