Until recently, nobody that knows me knew about this blog or about my cross-dressing (amazing when you consider I’ve been doing it at some level since childhood) or about me being a sissy. ♀ often tells people that I’m her bitch and of course they think she’s just kidding.

About a month ago, a guy that I met through a writing group a few years ago stumbled across this blog quite by accident. He googled the title of something I’d written a long time ago and he found it here. Surprise! His new wife is days (hours?) away from delivering a baby so my little kink is probably the last thing on his mind. He did leave a comment recently so I don’t think he’ll judge me to harshly.

I have an on-line friend I met after she commented on something I had published in on at Clean Sheets three or four years ago. We’ve been exchanging emails ever since and recently she asked why I wasn’t writing anymore. So I decided to send her the link here. I figured the worst that could happen was she’d ask me not to email her anymore. I’d have been disappointed, but fortunately her response has been very positive.

Even before I started writing this blog, I’ve had a very strong desire to tell people (mostly women) that I’m a cross-dressing sissy. I can’t really explain why that is because it’s not like I want to tell everyone. Maybe it’s the same process that a gay person goes through when they come out.

Anyway, we’ve been talking about telling someone for quite awhile. A good friend and co-worker of ♀ has been at the top of the list, but we hesitated. Did ♀ really want a co-worker to know such intimate details about our life? We wouldn’t have to mention the blog, but it would probably come up eventually. There were lots of pros and cons.

The three of us went out for dinner at a local pub last week and I ended up telling JA all about us. It went OK. Several things she’d always wondered about fell into place, “Wow, you really are her bitch.” She asked reasonable questions and didn’t seem to be too disturbed by the whole thing. She thinks we should go latex shopping and have a girly night together…make-up, clothes, martinis, chick flicks, hot lesbo 3way…Well maybe not the last one, but you get the idea. ♀ & I talked about how things had gone later on when we were alone. She thought I mentioned some things that should have stayed private and she didn’t think I needed to show JA my sports bra in a crowded bar, but over all she seemed to think it went fine. She said she thought it will be good to have a friend to talk with openly when things come up.

I’m thinking now that it wasn’t so fine. I don’t know for certain that this has anything to do with our dinner with JA, but lately ♀ has not been herself. I know we all go through phases, but I think this is more then that. She’s been feeling decidedly un-sexy lately and has resisted any attempts to help change that. It sometimes feels like if I do things to make myself feel sexy, it makes it difficult for her to feel sexy. She seems to think that she’s holding me back from exploring more of my feminine side, that she’s letting me down by not being more dominate, that I deserve to have my bum played with more, that I do to much for her and she doesn’t do enough for me.

It’s been a challenging week. I tried explaining that the pace we have been exploring my feminine side has been just fine. I have no burning desire to pass as a woman. Yes, I’d like her to be more dominate, and yes, I have a horny bum, but I know these things don’t happen overnight. I still believe that as her confidence increases we will be able to find a happy balance for both of us.

I don’t know why it’s so hard for her to understand that I just want to serve (and service) her. That she deserves to be treated like a Goddess, a Princess, the Queen Bee. Nothing would give me more pleasure then for her to look in the mirror and see a beautiful, sexy, confidant, empowered woman.

Cheers,

sss