I wore a suit and a tie, silk ‘loony tune’ boxers and dress shoes and socks. Nothing girly except for my toe nails. ♀ wore a red corset (future HNT post) and a beautiful low cut red dress with sparklies. She looked amazing.

It was a traditional Italian Catholic wedding with all the standing and sitting and chanting and praying and, you know, all that religious stuff. But they did have a choir and that was very cool. I think music is the only really good thing to come from organized religion. Aretha Franklin’s first record was done with a southern baptist fall down on your knees and pray choir and wow, it still gives me chills when I hear it.

Anyway, there was two hours between the end of the service and the beginning of the reception so we decided to go see some pretty women take their clothes off. We were a little over dressed for a Saturday afternoon at a strip club, but what the hell. The corset and the dress ♀ was wearing showed a lot of cleavage and the black lights in the club really picked up the glitter on her dress and other places. She was certainly getting lots of attention.

We were really enjoying ourselves and it wasn’t until I ordered our third drink that she asked about the toast I was to give. I told ♀ that I was just going to wing it and she expressed some concerns about me having too much to drink and turning a ‘toast’ into a ‘roast’. She’d only met the bride a couple of times before and she reminded me again that there’s a special place in hell for making a bride cry on her wedding day.

At the reception I had a few more drinks and told the Bride her dress was on backwards (it opened at the back almost down to her ass), I tweaked the Grooms’ nipple, I blew kisses at the Best Man, I told the Maid of Honour that my wife think she’s hot, I told loud off-colour jokes, winked at various little old ladies, scared the children and was, for the most part annoying. I think lots of people were concerned about giving me a microphone. When I stood up to do my thing, I pulled a long piece of paper out of my pocket with writing on both sides and asked the assembled guests if they wanted it chronologically or alphabetically. The bride blanched, not easy for a woman of colour.

A wedding toast

I met T Aug 8/83 & according to Martha Stewart I am not allowed to tell you where we were, who else was there or what anyone was doing. In fact, according to Martha Stewart I’m just supposed to say "T is a wonderful girl, D is a lucky guy, here’s to the bride." Well Martha Stewart is not here so you know that’s not going to happen.
I can tell you that T was young, attractive, funny, articulate and self confident. She had opinions that were all her own and wasn’t shy about telling them to you. She liked to watch people and figure out what was going on below the surface. She was also not above pushing a few buttons herself just to watch what would happen.
T was not like anybody I’d ever met and it didn’t take long for me to decide that this was the woman who would make my life complete and I set out to win her heart.
I found some old letters while I was preparing for today and T was not exactly discouraging me. In fact I’d say that for awhile at least I was in the running for the title of Mr. Right.
But alas, the day came when she told me that we could only ever be friends. Now this is where you would expect the story to end. T would feel guilty about my bruised delicate male ego and we didn’t live in the same town so it would be easy to avoid each other.
But something unexpected happened; the most amazing friendship not only grew, but flourished. There are not many things that were true when I was 19 that are still true today, but my friendship with T is one of them. When I decided that T was the woman who would make my life complete, I realize today how incomplete it would be without her in it and when I set out to win her heart I ended up giving her a special place in mine.
Life’s journey has many unexpected twists and turns and as it turns out I now have a wonderful Mrs. Right of my own and we have two fantastic sons and with T I have the friendship of a lifetime. I can honestly say that I would not change any of it for anything.
What a cool thing it is that D and I can both look at this beautiful woman here today and both say with all our heart that we are the luckiest guys in the world.
Please join me in a toast to my very special friend…To The Bride.

I got a standing ovation and yep, the bride was in tears. Like I said, I’ve got a knack.

Cheers,

sss

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4 Comments »

1. [...] Sweat Shop Sissy {May 31, 2007}   Red Corset This is the corset ♀ wore to the wedding last week. [...]

   Pingback by Sweat Shop Sissy — May 31, 2007 @ 3:40 am

2. 

   Perfect toast. I wish I was that cool when it came to public speaking.

   Comment by Blissfully Wed — May 31, 2007 @ 5:18 am

3. 

   “I think music is the only really good thing to come from organized religion.”

   Really? That’s very modern of you.

   Do you like, by any chance, modern science, free-market economics, the idea of a university, western law and the concept of international law?

   If you said ‘yes’, then you owe a debt of gratitude to the Roman Catholic Church, which has given us these things, and more.

   In fact, a quick and honest survey of history will tell you that no institution has done more to shape Western civilization than the 2000-year old Catholic Church.

   And yes, it is to the principles of Western civilization that make your life as good as it is.

   Just something you may wish to consider, next time you’re watching the peelers, or whatever.

   Comment by Joe O'Neill — September 11, 2007 @ 3:40 pm

4. 

   Knack is one word for it!

   As for joe O’neill–did you bother to read the post and respond to any of the real content in it?
   if you want a debate about the contribution of the Roman Catholic Church to Western Civilization, it’s virtues and vices, you’ve got it baby. I suggest you don’t even start with this ex-Catholic school girl, jesuitically trained, permanently inclined to argue.

   In fact, a quick and honest survey of history will tell you that no institution has done more to shape Western civilization than the 2000-year old Catholic Church.

   Oh really. How about I grant you that premise. Then you get the blame for all the harm Western Civ has done too. How about genocide?–How about antisemitism? Check out the Crusades and ‘blood libel’ respectively if you don’t believe me.Google, I’ll wait. A ‘quick and honest’ survey will convince you that the catholic church has a lot to answer for. let’s not even get into the treatment of women!

   The founding principles of what you would call “western civilization” are not western. I bet you have a fetish for democracy–a gift from those pagan bastards the greeks. Also free speech–another gift from them. In fact, I’d bet that most of the things you pretend to worship as ‘western civilization’ come from that eastern and pagan civilization.

   And how dare you read such a personal and profound post and seize on it as a place for your tiny, inadequate pulpit. I am not impressed.

   Comment by O — February 9, 2009 @ 3:47 am

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