I’ve been thinking about <Tom Allen’s> interview with <Ms. Rika> this week. Apparently, so were <a few other people>.

Here’s a quote:: “True submission is not about what the domme does TO the sub. It’s about what the sub does FOR the domme.”

It took us a while, but that’s a concept we managed to figure out all on our own. When we first started exploring my sissification, I was the instigator and it was all about what she could do to me. Even if I tried to dress it up to make it look like it was about her.

Your pussy is much to delicate to be touched by toilet paper, I should lick you dry after you pee.

The result was she would often feel inadequate (Maybe you need to be with someone who can satisfy your needs) and resentful (nothing I do is good enough for you).

Neither of those statements are true, but I can understand why at times she felt that way. It wasn’t until we figured out that as the Domme this lifestyle can look and be whatever she wants it to be that we started making progress. I know some cynics will say that all that’s happened is I’ve lowered my expectations, but no, really, we’ve both changed our attitudes and it has made a difference.

Here’s part of an email I sent this week:  i’m a cross-dressing sissy and ♀ is a somewhat reluctant…no, i don’t think that applies anymore…She’s an emerging domme. I couldn’t have said that even six months ago. She’s becoming more confident and assertive because it’s on her terms.

I still have and will probably always have an ever-changing and evolving list of things I’d like her to do to me, but I think as long as we  can both distinguish between our real D/s life and activities that might be fun for ‘playtime’ I think we can have those sorts of discussions without hurt feelings or unreasonable expectations. Recognizing ‘playtime’ as something seperate is another idea we got from Ms. Rika…thanks.

Cheers,

sss

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3 Comments »

1. 

   Last year, I wrote about a woman who came into a chastity forum with the complaint that even though her husband called her a Goddess, it seemed that she never got to do any of the things that she wanted to do – it was always him making up the rules.

   Men, especially husbands who treat their wives like a “dominatrix conversion project” need to ask themselves the question: Who’s in charge here, anyway?

   It’s important to keep talking to each other, expressing wants, desires, and learning to open up so that neither partner feels overwhelmed, neglected, or inadequate.

   Comment by Tom Allen — February 24, 2008 @ 4:19 pm

2. 

   Hi Tom;

   Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I was wondering if I gave the impression that I treat ♀ like a ‘dominatrix conversion project’? There may have been an element of that, albeit unintentional, a couple of years ago, but I think now the focus is on how I can best serve her…make her happy and make her life easier. I don’t know how often you read me, but she went back to school full-time in September and is working part-time. She often says she’d never have been able to do that if she had to concern herself with what was going on at home.
   What I found interesting about the interview is many of her ideas are things we’ve realized on our own. The one new thing I found helpful was recognizing ‘playtime’ as a gift from her.

   Cheers,

   sss

   Comment by sweatshopsissy — February 24, 2008 @ 11:33 pm

3. 

   SS – no, it’s quite clear that you’ve gotten away from that mindset. Unfortunately, too many men do treat it as a project. Kudos to you and your partner for figuring out how to get past that.

   Comment by Tom Allen — February 25, 2008 @ 1:47 am

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