Ouch #1

We had just started our shower when ♀ spread her legs and told me to crouch in front of her. She pisses on me in the shower quite often, but allowing me to get up close and personal with her liquid sunshine is a special treat. So with great haste and much enthusiasm I dropped down. Unfortunately, I didn’t take note of where I was in the tub and the plunger for the shower went straight up my bum. I danced a little holy-fuck-I-didn’t-see-that-coming  jig and ♀ literally pissed herself laughing. I’m still walking funny.

Ouch #2

If you are the owner of a pair of boobies you’re probably used to them being sore sometimes. ♀ breasts are usually quite tender for a day or two about a week before her period starts. Her next period is at least two weeks away and for the past four days her nipples “Really fuckin’ hurt!” We’re talking sleeping with her bra on. We’re talking don’t even think about touching them or I will hurt you really bad and you won’t like it. I’ve done some research online and the two most common explanations are ‘pregnant’ (we’re both fixed so that is highly unlikely) and ‘menstrual’ and as I said, the timing and intensity is very unusual for her. 

She’s getting cranky and I’m having a tough time not touching them so if you have any suggestions or remedies, we’d sure like to hear from you.

Cheers,

♀ & sss