My Uncle sent this to me…

Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office

Dear Mr. Minister,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows

That I bought a t.v. Cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal

Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the

Income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health

Insurance card, my driver’s license, on the last eight goddamn passports

I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out

Before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those

Insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is

Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that

Ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you

An me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my

House, then you ask me for my fuckin’ address. What is going on? You have a

Gang of Neanderthal assholes workin’ there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up

Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy

Beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan

On visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do

Something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not

Want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and

Get another fuckin’ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to

Assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us

Running all over the fuckin’ place like chickens with our heads cut off,

Then find some asshole to confirm that it’s really me on the goddamn picture

- you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?!  (fuckin’ 

Morons)

Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!

Signed – An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to

Confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776

When one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served

In the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances

Up the yingyang.

I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years

And I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.

However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you know,

Someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA

We went to the first ever Meet n Greet at the Libido Lounge last week.  I’m sure there must be days when it all seems overwhelming (12 week old baby, on-going health issues, Jennifer & Jason both working), but every time we go there’s more and more done and the new space is really starting to take shape.

 

As with Deviant Dining, there was no playing at the Meet n Greet, but the vibe was definitely sexier. We’d probably met or at least seen half of the other attendees before, but it was nice to actually talk to people and find out more about who they are, why they joined the lounge, their experiences to date or, if they were new like us, what they hope to get out of it…or maybe a better way to put that would be; what do they bring to the party. Everyone was really friendly and the conversations we were involved in felt easy and natural.

 

There was a guy wearing a kilt and ♀ wanted to know what he was wearing underneath and with a little help from Jennifer, she asked him (not much).  A woman showed us all her tattoos and her anal piercing. At the time all I could think of was ‘owch’, but later I wondered how she kept it clean while it was healing and just how painful was pooping? Maybe I’ll ask the next time I see her. Or not.

 

We also met a Bondage Master. I’m not certain that’s what he calls himself, but he does the bondage for Pinup-Bondage. I wasn’t sure if I was even really interested in bondage, but he was so enthusiastic that it was hard not to get excited about it. He explained that there’s no nudity or violence in his scenes. There’s no photo-shop and the backgrounds are very stark. The photos are all about the models and the pretty things they wear and of course the bondage. Also, every series of photos tells a story. I’ve really been enjoying looking at his website…even the free stuff is great. ♀ wants him to tie me up.

 

There was a woman selling Hanky Panky stuff.  We bought some very nice foot cream and have our eye on a few other goodies. The evening finished up with a Burlesque Dancer. She’s going to be offering classes that will include not only the dance, but also costume design and choreography.  ♀ has taken Belly Dance (fun) and Pole Dance (hard) so she should take Burlesque as well…dontchya think?

 

I had to go straight to work after we left the Longue so we didn’t have time to stop for our usual debriefing, but we did have some time while I drove ♀ to her car. She had a good time as well, but she did admit she was struggling with how she would react when I was with other women (like it is inevitable?).  I wrote her an email when I got home the next morning…

 

I am troubled that we are both feeling like the other person is not listening. There have been times when 1 or the other of us has felt that way, but I can’t recall a situation where we’re both feeling like that.
We’ve spent years exploring and developing the rules and boundaries of our particular dynamic. I am the happiest when you take charge and treat me like a sissy. I truly love when you think of new ways to assert yourself. I simply cannot wrap my mind around why you would think that we will need (or want?) to put all that aside. Pretending to not be us isn’t going to make either of us happy.
In all honesty, the only physical contact with another woman I can picture you allowing (in the beginning at least) would be things like brush and braid her hair, file and massage her feet, kiss her boots, serve her drinks and snacks or the scenario I described with a submissive female where I get him ready for you and she gets you ready for him…or  getting pegged… or put on one of those machines and getting milked…or you only allow me to have sex with you and my legs have to be spread or none of the above…maybe you just want me to be at your beck and call…or maybe the only contact you will allow on a particular night is preparing men for you or ‘forcing’ me to do things with another man…
If things evolved and sometime in the future you wanted me to actually have sex with another woman I would fully expect you to have strict rules about it…maybe things like no kissing or only if I have my legs spread or only if I’m blindfolded or tied up or whatever tickles your fancy at the time. (I would expect you to dictate the terms of engagement no matter who the person is…male, female, lounge member, friend)
This needs to be a positive experience for both of us and the only way I can see that happening is if you are in charge completely.
 
I love you so much Dear. Please don’t ever forget that.

Cheers,

♀ & sss