I would never ever want to relive my teenage years, but if I did have to do it over again Junior’s adolescence looked pretty sweet.  He was big and handsome, a natural athlete, good grades (when he applied himself), lots of friends and of course, girls…lots and lots of girls. There were times when one would leave and he’d have just enough time to shower and change his sheets before the next one came over.

 

Like most teenagers, Junior didn’t express his feelings (other than anger) very well and he didn’t like to share very many details of what was going on in his life with us. We had a firm rule that we wouldn’t lie for him so there were times when not really knowing was in every-one’s best interest. Just thinking about those years tires me out.

 

Krayon remained the one constant throughout high school. There was all the requisite teen-aged angst and drama. At any given time they might be dating or she was a fucking bitch or they were friends-with-benefits or they were exclusive or she was a whore or they were exclusive and this time he wasn’t going to cheat. But no matter where they were in that cycle, when shit happened in Juniors life Krayon was who he turned to and knowing he had someone to talk to was somewhat reassuring. A fight at school, a suspended license, his cat disappears, his dads suicide, too drunk to walk…there were lots of times she sent ♀ a text-message saying, ‘he’s with me, he’s safe.’

 

A few months before they graduated from high school he called ♀ in a panic. A condom had broken the night before, could she please take him & Krayon to get the morning-after-pill. I was pleased that he didn’t just shrug it off and hope for the best. He had a part time job so he paid for the pill and went in with her to get it so I was impressed with his level of maturity, but I remember being surprised that they weren’t using any other form of birth control. They both partied a lot and faithfully using condoms while drunk is…well, I wasn’t very good at it. Nobody ever told me, but I suspect the reason was Krayon thought she might gain a pound or two if she went on the pill. At the time her ‘fat clothes’ were probably about a size 2.

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

By the time Junior was 14 there was a steady stream of girls going through our house. He played football and whenever we drove to a game there was always one or two or three girls wanting a ride. I didn’t know if he was bonking any of them yet, but it was going to happen soon. One night I had a thought. I knew he’d had sex-ed classes in school, but he didn’t have a job…where would he get money for condoms?  Also, those first couple of times with a girl are pretty stressful, would he actually be able to get one on in the heat of the moment? (I sure couldn’t).

 

So I gave him a box and suggested he practice a few times on his own. I told him just to let me know when he needed more, that I’d be happy to get them for him. I finished up our little chat by telling him to always keep it wrapped because I wasn’t into fucking anyone’s grandma. I’ve always been quite proud of that line.

 

I don’t have a very good filter, but I do have a real knack for causing acute embarrassment so he usually tried to avoid me meeting most of the girls. If ♀ was at home, she’d insist on being introduced. From what I can remember, most of the girls were pretty much interchangeable. Tiny brunettes who didn’t say much when I was around. I don’t know if that was just an age thing or he’d told them not to talk to me. Regardless, they all seemed basically the same to me. Not that I have anything against tiny brunettes…It’s just that we’re talking about very young girls and embarrassing is one thing…I try not to be creepy.

 

One of the girls who I did become aware of was Krayon and she lived in the same townhouse complex as we did  so she was over at our house quite often. There was an annual BBQ at this complex and ♀ & I were attending it the summer Junior was 15. There was about 20 or 30 people sitting around eating and drinking talking when this woman walked up to us and introduced herself as Krayon’s mother. The very next thing she said to us was, “I’ve had three daughters who have had babies in high school so you better make sure your son keeps ‘it’ in his pants because I don’t want to Krayon to be the fourth.”

 

Seriously, what the hell do you say to something like that?

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Junior was 13 when I met him and his mom and that’s how old Mini is now.  I guess it’s natural to look at the differences and to speculate what the future holds. Mini is still very close to his mother. Extraordinarily close. Almost creepy-close. I have this re-occuring ‘Norman Bates’ nightmare. But this is something that has been orchestrated by her. She has nothing and no one else in her life. It’s just her and Mini against the world. I hope one day he’ll find the strength to break free, but there’s no sign of that happening yet.

 

Anyway, ♀ & I were comparing the boys at 13 the other night. ♀ said that Junior had already discovered girls by that age.  I think it would be more accurate to say that girls had discovered him. I remember being really uncomfortable with all the very young girls coming over to the house, all tarted up and being very aggressive. I often said to ♀ that I was really glad we had boys. I would have tried to keep a daughter on a much shorter leash. There really is a double standard, isn’t there. ♀ admitted to me that she probably wouldn’t have let me move in a soon as I did if she’d had a 13 yr old girl at home. Not that she ever thought I’d do something bad. She’d just be more cautious and protective.

 

So back to 13 yr old Junior. Girls would come over, but if he was playing video games or watching TV,  he’d pretty much ignore them. It didn’t seem to bother the girls. They’d sit there chattering at him and if they got bored and left it didn’t matter because another one would come by soon enough. He was a big strong kid and even at that age he really didn’t have to work at it.

 

We only see Mini for a few hours a week so it’s hard to say for sure, but I don’t think he’s discovered girls yet. That’s probably not a bad thing. He seems to be more comfortable in his own skin than I remember being (that didn’t happen for me until I was almost 40…lol) ♀ pointed out that considering the tight grip his mother still has on him and me being…not the most masculine of dads, it’s hardly a surprise that he’s a bit behind in the girl department. He’s a bright kid, but he’s still very socially immature.

 

Of course we also discussed ‘orientation’. As I’ve mentioned numerous times here,  adolescence was a difficult time for me…most people assumed I was gay. I knew I was different, but with no internet it was hard to figure out different how. ♀ & I will love and support him no matter what team he plays for, but we disagree on how his mother would react if  he were gay. ♀ thinks she would be devastated. She’d see it as a flaw in her otherwise perfect son. I, on the other hand, think she’d be quite pleased. She would remain the only woman in his life.

 

His mother is very closed minded about sex (when we were together she claimed to have never masturbated) so I hope he’ll come to us if when he has questions or concerns, but realistically I know…

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

The fantasy that drives ♀ absolutely wild these days is forcing me to have sex with another man. Not just giving head to get him ready for her, but giving head and then bending over for him or making out with another submissive and fucking each other. If there’s trash talk going on in our bedroom, those sorts of scenarios are pretty much guaranteed to get her off.

 

I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. It wouldn’t be fair to say, ‘let’s expand our horizons… this is my fantasy…your boundaries need to be pushed.’ Without it working the other way as well. I’d love to see ♀ with another woman. I think she’s open to the idea and  if the time and place and woman were all right,  she would really enjoy the experience. A few years ago her attitude was more along the line of  ‘if it ever happened it would be for your entertainment’. But even back then she enjoyed going to see the strippers…pointed out attractive women…she could see the beauty in the female form.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever looked at a man and thought ‘yummy’. The closest I come is thinking ‘oh ♀ would like him.’ So, like ♀ a few years ago, my attitude is  ’if it happens it would be for her entertainment.’  It just occurred to me that maybe that’s part of the excitement of  it…forcing me to do something that’s entirely for her amusement?

 

But…. I love eating my cum out of her freshly fucked pussy. I love licking her juices off of dildos. When she puts on her harness I try my damnedest to take her strap-on all the way down my throat before bending over for her. Trash talk that involves me going down on a man to get him ready for her or licking her juices off of  him or licking them both clean afterwards (in reality we’d use condoms) or feeling another mans cock rub against mine while we’re both inside of  her are a huge turn-on. So maybe I’m being close-minded about being with a man…

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

♀ asked me earlier in the week if I could help her dye her hair. I’d never done that before, but was eager to learn a new skill to help serve my gibbled-Goddess. We decided I would wake her up when I got home from work Friday morning, I’d put the dye in, she’d study sign-language for 30 minutes while I made us breaky and got her lunch ready. Then we’d have a shower, I’d rinse her hair, help her get dressed, I’d go to bed and she’d go off to work.

 

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan, right? I thought so too. Many moons ago (15 yrs?) I started getting a muscle spasm in my side. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for why or when it happens. I’ll just be going along minding my own business when I’ll get this stabbing pain in my side. It’s always in the exact same place and it only last for a second or two, but it makes me gasp and flinch. There’s no pretending that it didn’t happen. Actually, I picture my ex sticking pins in a voodoo doll.  Sometimes that’s it. Just one sharp stab and then it doesn’t happen again for months. Other times I get an attack and that stab will happen every 5 or 10 seconds. When that starts, it can go on for hours. It really is brutal. I’ve been to a couple of different doctors, but since it’s so random they can’t really do much about it…try ice or heat or stretching exercises or a muscle relaxant…

 

I had an attack  just as I was leaving the bakery Friday morning. When I got home I took two muscle relaxants and put an ice pack on it for 30 minutes. Then I woke ♀ and she gave me two of the muscle relaxants that she got from the hospital (different from the first two) and I tried the heating pad for 30 minutes. Then I decided that we absolutely needed to dye her hair. She wanted me to go to bed, but there was no way I could fall asleep with the spasms and I’d promised to do her hair and I was damn well going to do her hair. End of discussion.

 

I really wish we’d had a camera in our bathroom. Me with 4 muscle relaxants and still having spasms every 10 seconds, ♀ only able to move one arm, trying not to jostle the other one trying to explain how to get the dye applied evenly to all her hair.  It wasn’t easy, but we managed to get it done without either of us getting really cranky. The end result wasn’t perfect, but all things considered, not to bad.

 

After I’d rinsed and washed and dried and braided her hair and helped her get dressed and in her sling and ready for the day, she gave me an itty-bitty hydromophone tablet and guess what? No more muscle spasm. In fact not much more of anything for the next 10 hours.

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

So, we’ve joined the Good Vibrations Affiliate community, but don’t worry we won’t be doing non-stop toy reviews. We decided to do it partly because of my uncertain job prospects and also after writing this blog for 43 years months it would be nice to make a little money from it and the Good Vibrations Magazine has been on our blog-roll forever and the marketing campaign manager, Mae Schultz, asked really nicely.

 

 Before we signed up, ♀ & I talked about how we could be a little different from all the other sex-bloggers doing toy reviews. One way we thought of was to incorporate the product into a story rather than just a straight review. Like when we bought our NJoy Butt Plug. Another idea actually came from the promotional package they sent us:

An affiliate can choose to review the product sent to them or to offer it as a prize in a contest on their site.

 

So this is what we’re thinking of doing…♀ & I will review 1 product per month and you, dear reader, will also get to review 1 product per month. Let’s see…today is the 22nd so we’ll run the contest during the last week of every month.  Ok,  you have until midnight PDT April 30th to enter this months contest. To enter all you need to do is tell us in the comments what product you would like to review and why. We’ll pick a winner May 2. Hopefully, the winner will tell us what they thought of their prize. If we get a good response, we’ll do it every month.

 

So check out Good Vibrations and get your entry in!

Cheers,

♀ & sss

 

ps…I couldn’t resist  

♀ had her first physio appointment Monday afternoon and as expected she was very sore when she got home, but she only had enough time to  take a T-3 and I carefully placed an ice-pack under her sling so her shoulder could get iced for 30 minutes while she drove to her sign-language class.

 

This was the second class of her third semester of sign-language so she knows everybody in the class and last week the instructor used her to show how to adjust, if for some reason (like a torn rotator-cuff) you can’t use your dominate hand. So you would think everyone would know why she was wearing a sling and even if someone didn’t know…maybe they weren’t there last week…you can’t even believe what someone did…

 

I’ve never been to a class, but I’m guessing it’s pretty quiet. The instructor is completely deaf so I suppose you could talk, but from what ♀ has told me nobody does…just a little side note…♀ talks a lot…I can’t imagine her going 3 hours without talking out loud.  Anyway, half way through Monday nights class, the woman sitting behind ♀ grabs her by the shoulder (the sore one), pulls her back and asks ‘what’s wrong with your arm?’ It was no longer a quiet class room.

 

I mean seriously…that’s even more fucked up than putting an empty band-aid box back into the first-aid kit at the bakery.

 

Speaking of WTF, my uncle sent me this picture. It is so wrong in so many ways…

Cheers,

♀ & sss

This torn rotator-cuff is going to be a long slow process, but there were a few small victories in week two. We went to Deviant Dining  at the Lounge last week. It was a very last minute decision to go. We haven’t been to anything this month and we clearly aren’t going to anything ‘playful’ anytime soon. So we changed some things around and I picked up some goodies from Costco and off we went. I’m glad we did. The official head count was 29…the most well attended dinner we’ve been to.  There was great food with lots of variety. ♀ is still pretty sore so we weren’t exactly social butterflies, but we did meet a few new people.

Jason was teasing me about how horrible it must be for me to ‘have to’ do even more than usual for ♀. He told her to be careful..that I just might accidentally twist her arm to prolong my increased servitude.

 

The hi-light of dinner was the dessert platter. The woman ♀ necked with at the last Exploratorium was bound in rope, ball-gagged, wrapped in shrink-wrap and laid out on a table. Then Jennifer and her assistant prepared dessert on her. There was cream-puffs, eclairs, fresh fruit, whipped cream and a congac/chocolate liqueur that was to die for. Everyone was encouraged to help themselves to dessert. It was so yummy, I had to go back  for more. When I went back for the second helping, someone had cut a hole in the plastic and stuck several frozen cream puffs down around her crotch (she was wearing panties). I was encouraged to dig around down there, so I did. ♀ scolded me for touching another woman without Her permission, but she still ate the cream-puff.

 

♀ still can’t do up her bra or shoes or sling, but she is doing more and more every day. She’s sleeping in our bed most of the time and taking fewer and fewer pain killers. She started physio on Monday and on Sunday I washed her hair, shaved her legs and both pits. I still think that’s kinda funny. It was a huge effort for her to pull her arm out far enough for me to be able to shave, but there was no way in hell she was going to that physio appointment with a hairy arm-pit.

 

We had sex Saturday and Sunday. Yippee!! It’s rare for us to go more than a day or two without lovin’ so this once-a-week thing was a challenge. She was in tears by the time we’d both had orgasms Saturday night. She insisted it was because of her muscles contracting and not anything I had done, but I still felt guilty as hell. She said she wasn’t going to try to have another big O until she was a lot less sore.

 

Sunday wasn’t one of our best days. We were both a little ‘off’ and not really feeling connected. I helped her get ready for bed and she told me to lay behind her and rub myself on her silky panties. I so wasn’t horny and really didn’t want to masturbate. Eventually I did spoon her, but kept my penis hidden between my legs. She was laying on her good side and couldn’t reach behind her with her sore arm. Can you believe it? She was able to seduce me without even laying a hand on me. I am so weak.

 

Want to know something cool? Well we’ve fucked side-by-side lots of times, but we’d never done it that side-by-side. We each have our side of the bed so taking her from the other side had never come up before. Now, of course, she can’t roll over on that side. So we’d never tried that exact position before and guess what?  It worked. Really well. All the weight was on her good shoulder. I held the head-board for leverage. We both had orgasms. Hers was huge and pain free. And afterwards…she had the best nights sleep of the past two weeks.

 

I couldn’t find a picture of a dessert platter like the one we had, but here’s a nice sushi platter.

Cheers,

♀ & sss

 ♀ & I had a shower together Sunday afternoon. I washed her hair, shaved her legs and one pit. She’s still very sore and has very limited mobility, but she was able to pull her arm away from her body far enough to allow me to rub some Polysporin on her rash. She was able to get dressed…well I had to do up her bra, but at least she wasn’t wearing pj’s. We managed to go for a stroll in the sunshine and went out for lunch.  We even had sex, though there was a ten hour break between her orgasm and mine.

 

After we got home from our walk and lunch I checked emails and cleaned up the kitchen, then I went to find ♀. She was on our bed (first time in a week) all propped up with pillows. She was naked from the waist down (her pussy really needs to be shaved), she was trying to get the angle with the bullet in her wrong hand and her favourite glass dildo was beside her. I sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her inner thighs with the cool glass. It took awhile, but eventually she got the bullet where it needed to be and I started to tease her lips with the tip of the dildo.

 

 We both knew her excitement level would need to build to a point where it would over-ride her fear of what would happen when her muscles contracted during orgasm. There was no hurry. I gently caressed up and down her legs and across her belly and her moistening cunt slowly swallowed the bumpy glass shaft. It certainly wasn’t her biggest or longest orgasm ever, but at least she was able to have it. She was very achy afterwards. She took a T-3 and moved back to the couch with an ice pack.

 

Once she was sort of comfortable she told me to bring her the NJoy butt plug and she inserted it for me. She said I could get dressed pretty. I put on black silk stockings, black long-line bra with both inserts so I had really big boobs and a low cut purple dress. You know, I still feel guilt about getting dressed up, but I think it’s more because we can’t really go out and do anything if I’m dressed up. I don’t cross-dress to try and pass as female, I do it because I’m a sissy. So it’s fine to do when she’s not home and I’m doing house-work, but if she’s home we’re stuck. That will be one of the benefits of joining the Lounge.  Since we couldn’t go anywhere anyway I didn’t feel guilty. It was nice. We had delicious beef stroganoff, watched a couple of really stupid movies and just hung out.

 

♀ decided she wanted to try sleeping in our bed. So I got changed into a pink baby-doll with matching panties and after lots of trial and error we managed to get the pillows situated just right. I was laying beside her and she reached over and started playing with my nipples. I thought she was going to tell me to masturbate for her. She reached down and stroked my cock and in a quiet voice said, “if you promise not to hurt me, you can have sloppy-seconds Baby”.

 

We tried missionary first, but even gentle thrusting put too much downward pressure so I laid beside her. She had a leg over my hips so she had more control over my angle and depth. Being inside her for the first time in a week (the longest break in 8 years) and concentrating on not jostling her meant I didn’t last long…which was probaly a good thing. She’d given me permission to masturbate several times during the week, but I was only able to come once. I think I was just to stressed. 

 

Even with all that activity she only took about half of the pain medicine she had needed the days before so we were hopeful when we went to see her GP Monday morning. The doctor told us that there’s definitely calcium deposits in the joint, but the accute pain was most likely caused by a ligament tear in the rotator-cuff.  The shoulder is a very complicated joint and an injury can trigger spasms in any (or all) of  the six muscles and that can get really fucking painful. Apparently, injuries like this are common when we sleep because we’re not aware of our bodies and we can move past the ‘ouch’ point without knowing it.

 

So the doctor referred her to a physiotherapist who specializes in this sort of injury. From what she can see on the x-ray and the improvement in the past day, she’s cautiously optimistic that physio will do the trick. Her first appointment is next Monday and the doctor said she could try going back to work tomorrow.

 

Cross your fingers.

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

My uncle sent me this…

 

A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little 
perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, “Golly, I 
wonder what happened to this parrot?”

The parrot says, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.”

 ”Holy crap,” the guy replies. “You actually understood and answered me!”

 ”I got every word,” says the parrot. “I happen to be a highly intelligent, 
thoroughly educated bird ..”
 ”Oh yeah?” the man asks, “Then answer this — how do you hang onto your 
perch without any feet?”
 ”Well,” the parrot says, “this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I 
wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it 
because of my feathers.”

 ”Wow,” says the guy. “You really can understand and speak English can’t 
you?”

 ”Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with 
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, 
physics, philosophy. I’m especially good at ornithology. You really ought 
to buy me. I’d be a great companion.”
 The man looks at the £200 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can’t afford 
that.”

 ”Pssssssst,” says the parrot, “I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody 
wants me ’cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for £20, 
just make the guy an offer!”

 The man offers £20 and walks out with the parrot..

 Weeks go by.The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, 
he’s interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he 
sympathizes, and he’s insightful. The man is delighted..

 One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes, 
“Psssssssssssst,” and motions him over with one wing. “I don’t know if I 
should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the postman.”
 ”What are you talking about?” asks the man.

 ”When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the 
door in a sheer black nightie.”

 ”WHAT???” the guy says incredulously. “THEN what happened?”

 ”Well,then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and 
began petting her all over,” reported the parrot.

 ”NO!” he exclaims. “And she let him?”

 ”Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and 
began to kiss her all over.”

 Then the frantic man screams, “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”

 ”Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!”

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