Hi there it’s me, ♀. I want to tell you about a Deviant Dining sss & I went to a few months ago. I worked that day. There’s been construction on the route we usually take to the Lounge so the commute  took twice as long as it should have. I may or may not have had a headache, but I remember not feeling my best. I probably would have enjoyed chatting with people I already knew, but I wasn’t really feeling up to ‘getting-to-know-you’ chats. sss was talking to several people at our table about…well he’d say he was talking about us, but really he was talking about his sissification. It doesn’t really matter, I’ve heard the spiel many times before and I was a million miles away.

Then out of the blue one of the men at our table turned to me and asked, “how has this been for you?”

“Oh sorry, I did not hear what you asked”

“How has being married to a sissy affected you?”

“Ummm, it’s just basically sss discovering who he is. It’s really not about me at all.”

There was an awkward silence and the conversation moved on in other directions. During the drive home sss mentioned he was embarrassed by what I had said.  He felt that the impression I gave was there was nothing in it for me, that it was all about him. I think there several different issues here. If I gave the impression that I don’t benefit or there’s nothing I like about being married to a sissy then I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant at all.

Have I grown sexually and emotionally during the past 9 years? Absolutely. But I think that has more to do with the sort of man he is (not just the sissy part) and the sort of relationship we have. As we’ve explored his sexuality, he’s also encouraged me to explore mine.

So what did my off-the-cuff comment at the Lounge mean? Well all of the ideas surrounding my husbands sissification have been his. Seriously, all of them. What it means to be a sissy. What he’d like to do for me and have done to him have all been his ideas or suggestions. So from that perspective, I stand by what I said.

But I get where he is coming from…yes all the ideas and suggestions come from him, but clearly I play a big part in how (or if) things go from there. I wasn’t losing any sleep fretting about it and I doubt he was either. It had come up in conversation a couple of  times. Mostly just what would be a more accurate way to explain ‘us’ if asked.

He sent me this blog post a few days ago. The blogger is commenting on another bloggers post (I didn’t actually read that 1) and they’re talking about cuckolding specifically, but I think what they were saying applies well to sissification in general. Much of  the post rings true, but after I’d thought about it for a few days I decided that sss is more like the producer. He’s the idea guy…big-general-never-ending-idea guy. I think I’m the director. I decide if his suggestions are going to be tried and after that then all the who what when where why and hows are up to me.

The producer and the director have different roles, but they are very much equals. If one or the other of us said something isn’t working, I’m absolutely certain that that something would stop.

That’s the one thing about all this sissy stuff that I’ve struggled with. It’s become a huge part of our life. He wants to be treated like a sissy all the time and that usually means being submissive. That’s all well and good, but at some level I need us to be equals as well. We  have talked about it over the years and he recognizes that need and  in many ways that equality just happens naturally. I think this producer/director idea will be a good way to explain ‘us’ and maybe even help on those days when we get off track.

Hugs,

♀

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1 Comment »

1. 

   WHAT A WOMAN! You deserve a trophy, a medal, and a big kiss!

   Comment by Teresa Bowers — August 21, 2010 @ 10:01 am

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