One of Mini’s uncles (my former bro-in-law) had a heart attack while brushing his teeth last week. Mini (almost 15) was telling me all the details; he thinks his uncle is about my age (it’s been years since I’ve seen him, but I think he’s a few years older then me), his uncle is fine now, still a little over-weight, never smoked, rarely drinks, tries to stay active….

 

I asked Mini if there was a life-lesson here. I was thinking along the lines of  life is precious, don’t take anything for granted…that sort of thing.

 

Mini’s life lesson….

 

“Brushing your teeth is a high-risk activity and should probably be avoided.”

 

 

Cheers,

sss

One of the stations we listen to while toiling away in the sweat shop at night replays old-time radio shows. A couple of weeks ago there was  a detective show on (Sam Spade or Philip Marlow or Richard Diamond…) The lead female in the story was a librarian (she wears glasses of course). She thinks she’s stumbled upon a kidnapping and enlists the help of a PI. He doesn’t take her seriously so she does her own investigation. She gets captured by the kidnappers, but she has spunk and manages to keep them at bay until the very last moment when our handsome PI arrives to save the day. In the last scene as they’re driving back to town, the bookish librarian takes her hair out of its bun, tosses her glasses out the window and tells the hero to take her to the Bijou Theatre where the latest thriller is playing. When he asks her why she threw her glasses away she tells him she knows that boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses. The show ends with classic nudgenudgewinkwink music.

 

Seriously, was that ever a truism? I can’t imagine it.

 

Ok, there is a point to this. About four years ago ♀ needed to get glasses. Junior was still living at home and when his mom modeled her new glasses for the family, he got all flustered and said they made her look like a porn star. He was about 17. I have no idea what sort of porn he’d been watching, but I know for a fact that the next time we fucked I asked ♀ to wear her glasses.

 

I think I mentioned that I can no longer read the fine print, but to tell the truth reading most printed material has been a struggle for quite a while. I had an appointment with the optometrist (a real cutie btw) and I picked up my first pair of spectacles on Christmas Eve. The kids came over last night and I was reading the newspaper. The first thing Junior said when he saw me with my new peepers was, “wow, now you really look like a grandpa.”

 

How is that fair? ♀ gets glasses and looks like a porn star. I get glasses and look like a grandpa.

 

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Mini was over here last week and ♀ was having a cup of chai tea (not to be confused with ‘tai chi’). He said it smelled nice and asked if he could have a cup. When I brought it to him, he inhaled deeply and said with a contended sigh, “it smells like Christmas”.

 

We went to the kids house for dinner last night and they had a real tree decorated in their living room (‘real’ as in once was living). The first thing ♀ said when we walked into the room (even before lovin’s for the grand-baby) was, “it smells like Christmas in here”.

 

I think my ‘Christmas smell’ happens much later. After the gifts and the visiting and the drinking and the laughs and/or tears and the big dinner and good, bad or indifferent the main event is over and everyone has gone to sleep, I take the turkey carcass and the bag of greens I’ve been saving in the freezer and an onion, and some garlic, pepper-corns, a few bay leaves and I make stock. It cooks for hours and I love how it makes the house smell.

 

Why am I mentioning this now? Well, the first of three (yes 3!) turkeys that will be cooked here in the next 10 days, is at this very moment (5:40 in the A of M) roasting in our oven. If you ask her, ♀ will have a very good reason for why we are cooking 3 turkeys and why the first of these needed to be in the oven at 2:30 this morning, but right now my big concern is what the hell will I do with all that stock?!

 

What about you? Is there a smell you associate with Christmas?  Maybe mincemeat or gingerbread…

 

 

I don’t suppose you’d be surprised to hear that we’ve pillow-talked the non-gingerbread version of this scenario.

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Did I ever tell you about my vasectomy?

 

 

I was 17 the first time I asked a doctor for one and not surprisingly, he said no. The next time I asked was hours after Mini was born. He & his mother were still in the hospital and when the doctor came in to check on them I told her I wanted to get snipped. She said I had to wait until Mini was at least 6 months old (back in the day my mom needed my dad’s written permission to get her tubes tied). Anyway, I said if that’s the way it needed to be than so be it. She gave me the post-dated referral and six months to the day I had my appointment with the urologist.

 

 

I needn’t have been in such a rush, Mini was almost two before she had sex with me again. I think we only fucked 4 or 5 times in the 3 years after that and ♀ had her tubes clamped weeks before I met her, so my little guys really wouldn’t have had much opportunity to get into trouble.

 

 

OK, where was I? Oh, yeah…I had an appointment with the urologist a couple of days before I was scheduled to get snipped. I think he was about 60, obese, sweating profusely.  He couldn’t find the pamphlet he usually gave to his patients so he drew a diagram on a napkin from his lunch.  I asked him about a new procedure I had heard about called the ‘scalpel-less vasectomy’. He snorted and said doctors only use that on Asians and Indians because their penis’ are so small (I swear it’s true).

 

The procedure was to take place in Day-Surgery of the local hospital. I don’t remember anyone else being around. The doctor called me into the little room, told me to drop my pants and hop up on the table. I think it might have been a gyno table. There was a little portable cassette player  and he put a tape in…I guess to help me relax. I’m not entirely sure about this part, but I think this was what he put on…

 

 

 

Once that was playing and I was all settled, he announced that his nurse hadn’t shown up so he’d have to shave me himself. He sat down on a stool between my legs and proceeded to dry-shave my balls. And not just a little patch, but the entire underside of my scrotum. It was not a lot of fun, but I suppose it could have been worse.

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

The Princess had her very first sleep-over at our house Saturday night. You might have thought (like we did) that honour would have gone to Krayon’s parents, but with so many grand-kids already, I guess the novelty had worn off…that and Krayons mom had a bad cold.

 

It was Krayon’s 21st birthday so they were having a party and it seemed like a good opportunity to have the Princess spend the night away. Krayon spent an hour giving ♀ last minute instructions (because babies are so much different now) before Junior helped me tether the car-seat and baby in. I told him that it was going to easier for all concerned to do this at 5 months than it would be waiting for a judge to order it at 8 years (Mini). He said he knew that and he also knew how excited his mom was about the night. ♀ got in the car and told Junior that Krayon was crying and needed a hug.

 

It’s only a 10 minute drive, but the baby fell asleep and when she woke up at our place and her parents weren’t here she was NOT amused. That was the only really nerve jangling time. Well not having the boob at bedtime pissed her off (I can understand that), but we managed.

 

Krayon managed to not phone, but she did text ♀ several times. Junior called me about 1am after I sent a text asking if I really needed to wake the Princess up every 2 hours to feed her…she was getting annoyed. He said he knew I was kidding and was just calling to…well, he was a little drunk and was getting bored of the drama and by the way, how did things go tonight?

 

The surprise of the night was anytime the baby woke up or was fussy it was Grandpa who was able to get her settled again. She would never admit it, but I think ♀ was a bit put out  by that. Especially since little kids are usually afraid of me.

 

Don’t tell anyone I said so, but this grandpa gig isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Mini & I went on a 4-day camping/rafting trip last week. Four days is the longest he and I have ever spent alone together. It’s also the longest he’s ever been away from his mother and the longest I’ve been away from ♀.  The trip was a huge success and an adventure I don’t think either of us will ever forget. The only really big negative was my lack of sleep. I don’t know how people who travel between time zones do it. I’ve worked night shifts for close to thirty years and I just don’t sleep at night. To make things even more of a challenge, our air mattress deflated two of the nights.

 

We were suppose to be back to the base camp at 4 pm Thursday, but it was after 5 before we were ready to drive home. Sometime during the week I heard one of the guides talking about the iffy cell phone reception and neither of us turned our phones on before we left the camp.  We were about 90 minutes into the 2 hour drive when we decided we were hungry and stopped for dinner. It was getting close to 8 pm when we left the restaurant and I called ♀ while Mini sent a text to his mother.

 

I don’t know if it was because I was sleep deprived or was still wound up from the trip, but I completely forgot telling ♀ that I would call her before we left the base camp and we’d decide then what we should do about dinner. All that stuck in my head was she was starting a new diet while I was gone and dinner with Mini and I would be a big tease.  I was thoughtless and inconsiderate and I swear it was unintentional.

 

♀ was, understandably, angry and hurt and she stomped off to the pub to eat dinner by herself. She’d only been eating veggies for 4 days so the two glasses of wine she had with her BLT went straight to her head. She came home and had a few more quick glasses of wine and went to bed angry and drunk. I slept on the couch. It wasn’t how I pictured my first night back.

 

She went to work Friday morning, but felt so crappy she came home early and went back to bed. We got up together later that afternoon and tried to have a proper reunion. We started out kissing and touching and rediscovering each other. Then she went down on me. She didn’t tell me (as Jennifer had suggested) that she was going to give me the best blow-job of my life. Probably because at that point it was still just fore-play.

 

Not having sex for 5 days made me extra horny and reacting quickly to what ♀ was doing with her mouth and hands seemed to boost her confidence and she started using more of the techniques she’d learned in Jennifer’s class and that made me even more excited. It really was like the perfect storm for a blow-job. I did manage to tell her that if she kept doing what she was doing she’d be able to make me come.

 

She told me later that in that split second she knew she was still to hung-over to take a mouthful of cum so she decided she’d let me come on her breasts. She took my cock out of her mouth and right at that exact moment the first volley of cum

went

straight

up

her

nose.

 

Seriously, I couldn’t have had a more direct hit if she’d placed her nostril directly over my penis. To give you some idea of the force of that first shot, the second spurt of ejaculate landed on the pillow behind my left shoulder.

 

Apparently, having cum blasted into your nostrils isn’t nearly as much fun as say getting a really great blow-job.

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Can you believe it’s been more than 3 months since ♀ hurt her shoulder? Even with physio-therapy and lots of exercises it’s only at about 60% mobility. If she starts slacking off on either for any length of time her range of motion drops and her discomfort goes up. She’d used up all the available visits on her extended medical and wanted to save the visits left on my plan for when it got really bad (she was also frustrated with the lack of progress). So she hadn’t been to physio in a couple of weeks.  My parents have given us a sunset kayaking excursion for ♀ her birthday (July 25) and I’ve been fretting about how her shoulder will hold up to that. So ♀ agreed to back to physio last week.

 

The physio office is at the back of a fair-sized sports complex. It was a nice day so we decided to walk to her appointment (about 40 minutes). There’s a pub in the complex and the plan was I’d go have lunch while she was getting done and than we’d take the scenic route back home and go through the local farmers market.

 

She went into her appointment, I went to go to the pub and it was closed. I wandered through the sports complex and the only thing going on was a kids hockey practise. I didn’t really want to sit inside for an hour so I bought a bottle of water, went back outside and found a picnic table in the shade. I’d been sitting there for less then 10 minutes when four very attractive young women arrived, stripped down to their itty-bitty bikini’s and started a beach volley-ball practise right beside where I was sitting.

 

I was so happy I called Junior just to tell him what was happening. We’ve both driven past there hundreds of times and neither of us had ever seen anyone using that court before. He suggested maybe I’d been out in the sun to long. The camera on my phone is broken, but I held it up so he could hear them. We agreed it was a very fine day and he suggested I buy a Lotto ticket on the way home.

 

You know what made it even better?  When ♀ finished her appointment and found me (You’re done already?? Are you sure??) and I told her what had happened, she was genuinely happy for me. I love being married to ♀.

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Oh, I didn’t tell you what happened after the Dad’s Day BBQ at Junior & Krayon’s place. Junior and I were kinda drunk by the time things started to wind down. So ♀ drove Mini (he was allowed to spend the night) & I home. Krayon drove Junior and the baby over to our house as well because…Mini decided to get his head shaved.

 

This was a big deal because his hair was down below his shoulders and he didn’t tell his mother he was going to get it cut. Well, what he said just before ♀ started with the clippers is he might have mentioned that he was thinking of getting it cut.

 

He is still very attached to his mother so for him to do something like this without clearing it with her was…encouraging!

 

♀  didn’t use the blade on him, but she did take it down as short as the clippers would get it. We took lots of pictures, but sharing them here would probably be a bad idea.

 

 

He hasn’t been back since, but I did talk to him a couple of nights ago. His mother doesn’t like the new look. I, on the other hand, am very amused.

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

♀ bought me ‘Hello Kitty’ lingerie for a Father’s Day present. It came with a tank-top, panties & eye-shades in the exact same shade of pink as my twitter page.  I’ve never watched ‘Hello Kitty’ and probably never will, but this set is cute and girly and comfortable and it amused the hell out of ♀ to buy it for me. Seriously, how many other dads got ‘Hello Kitty’ lingerie for Father’s Day?

 

Mini was over on Thursday and he was telling me a friend of his got his Dad a coffee mug with this on it for Father’s Day…

 

I asked him if he thought his friends dad would see the humour in that.

Mini said he has no sense of humour at all. He’ll absolutely hate it. That’s what makes it so funny!

 

He’s coming over later today and he & ♀ & I are going over to Juniors for a BBQ. It’ll be his first Father’s Day as a daddy. That still seems strange to say. The Princess…1 month old and weighing 10 lbs…sent ♀ a text message the other day saying ‘I miss you Grandma. Come visit me.’ So we went over and after ♀ got her baby-fix…OK, that will never happen…before we left, ♀ let me hold the Princess. I had her on my chest with her head on my shoulder and she started to get fussy. When Mini was a baby he liked it when I laid him along my fore-arm with his head in my hand and his legs sticking out past my elbow. Anyway, The Princess started to squirm so I turned her over and went to lay her on my arm and Junior dove across the couch to try and catch her. I told him I hardly ever drop babies.

 

Last night ♀ & I were planning on going to this class and our second play-party at the Lounge. ♀ decided that she wasn’t going to allow me to have any orgasms for an entire week before the party.  I had performance issues at the first party and she thought a week of frustration would fix that problem. I liked that she took charge like that, but a week without lovin’s…not so much. It had been a challenging week for both of us for a bunch of different reasons and we were both pretty…no, really cranky by the time I got up Saturday afternoon. I was starting to think maybe a play-party wasn’t going to be the best plan for the day. Then I got an email from Jennifer saying they were regretfully cancelling the evenings activities. Less then an hour later my penis was in ♀ bum, a rather large dildo was in her pussy and we were both having toe-curling orgasms. And guess what? No more crankiness!

 

♀ made two of my favourite dishes for dinner…beef stroganoff and trifle. There was lots so we invited my mom and step-dad over. We did consider going to see the strippers after they left, but instead I put on my new ‘Hello Kitty’  lingerie, gave ♀ a full body massage and then we fucked some more. Yippee!

 

 

Cheers,

♀ & sss

Yes, it’s true. We became grandparents at 5:50pm May19/10.

 

She weighed in at 7 lb 2oz. It only took her 19 minutes from the time the water broke to make her grand entrance. Mom didn’t even need drugs. The doctor says she’s a natural at it. (I rolled my eyes). Apparently Junior was a great coach and even cut the cord without fainting. Both grandma’s were in the delivery room with them. That was completely unexpected. In fact when we were talking about it a few weeks ago, ♀ didn’t think she’d even find out about it until after the kids were back home. Junior texted both Grandma’s to say they were leaving for the hospital and when they got there he asked them to stay. Nobody else, not even any of Krayon’s sisters, were in the room with them.

 

♀ was over the moon with excitement. I haven’t seen her look that happy in a long time. She missed out on all that positive energy when Junior was born and it occurred to me when I was holding the baby (she really is gorgeous) that if we’d been together 20 years earlier, we’d have had fun making a baby or two. Before you get any bright ideas, we’re both happily fixed!

 

So, I was looking for just the right picture….

 

“Come here darlin’ give Granny a kiss!”

 

HHNT

♀ & sss

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