January 2008
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♀ has struggled with weight her entire life and it worries me when she goes from one diet to the next and if it doesn’t work and she starts saying things like, “maybe I should try those pills or that supplement.” She lost over 100lbs and during the past 3 yrs has put about 30lbs back on. The really big concern is diabetes; both her parents have it and one of her brothers has kidney damage from not knowing he has it soon enough.

Her blood sugar level was high a few years ago, but has it checked regularly and it’s been fine for quite awhile. When she went back to the doctor just before Christmas, the doctor said her blood sugar was good, thyroid working just fine and tried to reassure her that she’s healthy. “Eat sensibly and stay active, stop obsessing about your weight,” said the doctor.

I tell her that all the time and I tell her she’s beautiful, but ♀ thinks I have to say that so it doesn’t really count.

Anyway, just after her doctors appointment I found Sparks People online and I’ve been really impressed and not just because it’s free.  The diet part is very flexible and we’ve been doing the menus together, but that’s only part of it. You also keep track of physical activities and we’ve been doing that together as well. Of course *that*, but we joined a gym and have been going for walks. I bought her a watch on Ebay that counts calories so she’ll be able to track all the calories she’s burning when we’re doing *that*.  It really is about changing our lifestyle and there’s a lot there’s a lot of community support and it’s free. But what’s impressed me the most is the amount of information available on the site, it’s a huge resource available for anyone that wants it.

For instance, I had no idea how important drinking water…lots and lots of water is to healthy living. Sleeping well is also important, but with all that water we’re drinking….

But the point is, Sparks People is very cool and she says it doesn’t feel like she’s on a diet. We’re eating sensibly and staying active and she’s not obsessed about a number on the scale and oh yeah, did I mention that it’s free?

As part of her exercise routine, she has replaced our office chair…the chair I would normally be sitting on as I write this…

with an exercise ball.




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January 27, 2008

We went out for dinner last night and there were two couples sitting at the table next to us. I decided that the older couple were the parents of one of the people sitting across from them, but I wasn’t sure if they were his parents or hers.

So I asked ♀ what she thought and rather then just telling me her opinion she wanted to know why I always do that. I like watching people and trying to figure out what’s going on below the surface. How are those people connected? Why are they out together? Is that her lover or son or grandson? That guy sitting by himself at the back of the strip club nursing his beer, does his wife know he’s here? Is he really interested in the strippers or is he trolling for horny young men?

I do that all the time and assumed most other people do as well…not the trolling for horny young men you goof… ♀ doesn’t do that (she might do some trolling) and thinks  it’s a little weird. So my question is when you people watch do you try and figure out what’s going on below the surface or are you just looking at shoes and handbags?


ps: speaking of what’s going on below the surface…

21372868.gifit’s a cock clock

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♀ had a wacky hair day at school last week.

I helped.






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OK before you start sending me hate mail, I’ve had lots of pets of my own.  I`ve cried bitter tears when I’ve had to have them put down and it’s not much easier when they die naturally or even not so naturally…like when I’ve had to pluck a much loved cat out of a neighbours fan belt. I think pets teach very important lessons to kids (love, responsibility, dependency…) I know lots of people are fanatic about their pets; their love is unconditional…I get it.

The title of this post is from a bumper sticker my mom had on her car when I was growing up.  At the time I thought it was just a reflection of her bitchyness…well on her bad days she’d say it could work either way…so maybe she was just being a bitch, but as I’ve got older, I have less patience for pets…& kids.

When I moved in with & Junior, they had 3 cats (mostly his) and a little dog (decidedly hers). It`s no secret around our house that I`m not very fond of them, but that doesn`t mean I hate animals, cuz I don’t. I don’t go to the zoo because seeing caged wild animals makes me sad. I marvel when I see animals surviving in suburbia or even in the city. When I hear about coyotes snagging overfed house pets I cheer for the wild. When I read letters to the editor in the local paper about someone’s beloved pet being run down and what a cruel person the driver must be for not pulling over to scrape it off the road and find out where it lived, I’m the guy writing letters asking if they let their kids run loose on the highway and if that driver had have swerved to miss their beloved pet and had a horrific accident would the owners of the pet take responsibility…I doubt it.

Anyway, had to have her little dog put down this week and because it was no secret that I wasn’t fond of him it made things kind of awkward. I’m sorry for her loss. I know what it feels like. I’m not all that upset that he’s gone…so it’s been awkward. The first thing Junior did when he heard that the dog was gone was to check to see if all his cats were still here, I’d threatened to get a 2 for 1 deal on euthanasia’s.

As far as the second part of the title goes Junior still lives with us, but I’m not going to be terribly upset when he moves. I think we’ve given him the tools to survive on his own and I think he’ll do well. If Mini ever decides he wants to live with us we will welcome him, but he’ll know it won’t be a long term arrangement. I know the trend is for kids to stay at home longer these days (they don’t move out, they just take over), but I don’t think it does anyone any favours. Not that my opinion counts for anything.

Junior turned 19 this week and in this part of the world 19 is the age of majority. To celebrate, we took him and one of his girlyfriends out to a restaurant of his choice. He didn’t want us to make a big deal out of it, but the waitress noticed us taking pictures and asked if it was his birthday. We told her ‘yes’. She looked at ♀ and asked if she was mom. When we told her she was, the waitress said she didn’t look nearly old enough to have a 19 yr old son. I told her ♀ was 12 when she had him. Junior tried to blow his drink out through his nose.

Yesterday afternoon, I took Junior to see the strippers (more bday celebrations) and I paid for him to have a private dance with one of the girls. So she took my money and led him to the back room. He came back about 20 minutes later with a big grin on his face, “She let me touch!”

So I took Junior home and a couple of hours later I brought ♀ to the same club and paid for the same stripper to give us a private dance. OK, so maybe mom & son making out with the same woman was a little fucked up, but WOW it was so hot seeing Brooke & ♀ together. They necked and played with each others tits and Brooke rubbed her pussy into ♀ face and gadzooks I got so excited I lifted my shirt up and showed her my bra. That changed everything. She insisted on seeing my panties…can you believe it? The first time anyone’s asked me that and I didn’t have matching on. She asked ♀ if the lingerie was ♀ or mine, ♀ told her that it was mine, but sometimes I wear hers.

Then I told Brooke that besides being a cross-dresser, I’m also a sissy.She thought that was great. She asked ♀ if she fucks me with a strap-on and ♀ said ‘hell yes, we’ve got a couple of different ones. He’s my bitch; I do whatever I want to him.’

Brooke moved from ♀ lap to mine, rubbed my face between her tits then slapped my face twice. Nobody has ever done that to me before. Timing is everything and right at that moment…it was a huge turn-on. At that point ♀ I would have been game for anything ♀ suggested, but the bouncer was knocking on the door.We stayed for Brooke’s last show, she gave us a signed poster and we went home for some very exciting whoopee… all and all it was a very good evening.

Thanks Brooke!


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Half-Nekkid Toe Licker

January 17, 2008

 We went for pedicures last week and it was much different then our previous experiences. The places we had gone to before were salons. They had the big vibrating chairs, but we were out in the open with other people getting worked on at the same time, tv on, phones ringing…you know, the hustle and bustle of business.

Last week we went to a spa and wow, it was worth the extra money. First we were taken to the sanctuary where we sat by a waterfall and had our choice of tea, coffee, juice, fresh fruit and a variety of snacks while two women prepared our private room. This room had two lounges that faced each other, there was soft lighting, candles and nice relaxing music.

While our feet were soaking in a warm Epsom-salt bath, we were given the choice of what lotion we’d be massaged with and what polish we’d like. Actually, the woman doing me assumed I was there for the male version (paraffin coating for the nails…no polish) Once we’d convinced her that I wanted the same treatment as ♀,  we had a most relaxing hour. I can honestly say my calves, feet and toes have never been treated so well.

My feet were quite rough and she used a cool file on them. It looked like a little paddle and it was very course. You could see the skin falling away. Of course we had to buy one before we left. We have a nice glass file that I’ll continue to use on ♀, but the teeth are much finer. So I’ve been alternating between the two when I do her feet.

Remember I told you about the tongue test I use after I shave her pussy? She suggested using the same test after I file her feet. It doesn’t work quite as well as rubbing her feet against my nylons, but it makes for a cute picture.



ps: Just in case you were wondering…and I’m sure you were…the polish I got is the exact shade of pink as the nightie I’m wearing.

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January 13, 2008

Unspeakable Axe had an interesting post about fighting D/s stereotypes awhile ago and this is what I said in his comments:    ♀ & i were both new to the whole D/s lifestyle. i was the one asking for it and it’s taken quite a while for Her to understand that as the ‘D’ She gets to decide how it will work and what it will look like. When we’re out in public i wear men’s outer clothes, i hold doors open for her, if it rains i hold the umbrella for her, if it’s cold out i warm her car up and scrape the windows..
To an outside observer all those things look traditionally masculine. She expects me to behave that way, so for us we think of it as submissive.
It’s all about Her will and that includes all things sexual. So when she bends over the couch beside the christmas tree and tells me to fuck her horny ass while ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ is on TV Christmas Eve; the act itself might appear submissive on her part, but the reality is even in that situation i’m still her sissy-bitch-fucktoy.

Even in a committed relationship like ours, what D/s means…changes. There’s an ebb and flow to it. Life happens and what was fun yesterday might not be the best thing tomorrow. Over the long term it would be fair to call it an evolution…moving forward into uncharted waters. Some things feel right, other things might only work right now in the context of trash-talk. However, there is change and in a long term relationship I think that’s very important. Boredom, especially in monogamy, is a death-knell.

Here’s a recent example: The other afternoon, we were walking home in the rain and her shoe lace had come untied. She stopped walking, pointed at her shoe and said, “my shoe lace is undone.”

I handed her the umbrella, knelt down on the wet pavement and did it up. It felt like the most natural thing in the world…to both of us, but a year ago she probably wouldn’t have even thought of getting me to do it.


I’ve had a couple of comments recently that have sparked some discussion between us.  Oldbogus asked: …I do wonder (since my own spouse and I have largely divergent tastes (no pun there) in men), when ♀ flirts with others, how do you view them? I mean, are you attracted to the same people?

I should start off by saying that had we bumped into each other on the street seven years ago, I don’t think either of us would have given the other a second glance. I was much to skinny, she was much to big. Meeting on-line allowed us to see past that.

So I know what kind of man she’s attracted to. I’m not really attracted to men, but being a bottom to men or being cuckolded by ♀ are reoccurring themes in trash-talk. Some days I think it would be super-hot to do for real, other days I’m not so sure. She doesn’t flirt with guys all that much when I’m around, but when she does I think it’s cute. Click here to read about one such time.

She does flirt with women quite often and if she ever decided to take it further I wouldn’t care what type she was. Seeing ♀ with another woman would be super-hot period.


The Fellatio Artist & The Geek Said about the Sexy New Years Eve outfit:

I like it but you can’t really go by me, I think I have fabulous taste, but then again my sense of women’s fashions developed itself in changing rooms , laundry hampers and dark closets over the years.

I am often bemused at the similarities in taste among crossdressers who for the most part developed their fetishes in the dark totally independent of one another.

In all serious I think it looks nice on her which is the point and it looks like something you chose for her, not for you. In the sense that for example for me I would add garter straps or some such tranny approved garb, this is feminine and pretty.

That is so true. Especially if your kink developed in the dark days before the Internet. I sometimes think that it would be easier for a child today with those sorts of desires to discouver he’s not the only one and avoid the decades of angst, but there are dangers that go along with that as well, right?

I think I’ve always been attracted/fascinated with girly things and I’m sure by the time I was eleven I knew the complete inventory of my mothers lingerie drawer (I really liked pantyhose). I’d like to believe that Mini would feel comfortable enough to ask me anything, but I’m not naive enough to believe he will so when I heard him and a buddy giggling away in the computer room, I just had to go check to see what my eleven year old found so entertaining.

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Sexy New Years Eve HNT

January 10, 2008

 I bought ♀ a new 3-piece outfit and she wore it for the first time New Years Eve.

What do you think?






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This, That & the Other

January 6, 2008

It’s been a good week for our little spot on the Internet:

We got another very nice review click here.

And a very nice email:   So how’s the new year treating you?  Have you and ♀ even come up for air yet?   heh heh heh   I swear I can practically smell the endorphins from down here in Oregon.  I’m jealous, you know!   I’d say that for an old married couple you do excellently in the marital bed department.  Hmmm, maybe I should amend that to read marital bed, couch, shower…..   ;)    The first/last time my husband and I pulled off a “3 times in a day” fuckfest was before we even got married, and I was living at home with my parents.  I’m 47 now so you can see that it’s been a while.  I still remember it though.  It was 105 F (I cheated and looked at an online conversion table so that’d be 40.5 C for you) degrees outside and that third time was on the living room floor.

We had a very quiet and relaxed holiday season.  Got together with friends and family and I even got to hold a baby.  That’s always a highlight if you ask me.  I love babies, they’re so basic in their needs.  What’s even better, now that I’m older, is other people’s babies.  Hold them, cuddle them, then say goodbye and get a good night’s sleep.

I’m out of poof here so it’s time to change gears.  Keep up the good work (yeah, you know what I mean!).  I really enjoy reading your blog — nice pics too — and it gives me a definite jump start in the arousal department so thanks for that.

PS — I’m still jealous.   lol

Last night, we found a stripper bar 15 minutes from home that we didn’t even know was there. Really, it hardly seems possible. We rarely bother to go anymore because they’re  all so far away. We were coming home from dinner and I noticed a little ‘Show-Lounge’ sign. So we stopped to check it out and low and behold, there was a naked girl on stage when we walked in. ♀ got so excited, she grabbed two seats right on gynecological row. I love going to see peelers with her. She’s the one throwing bills on stage and we always seem to get a little extra attention.

The last show we saw started while I was in the washroom and when she was finished, she came over to where we were sitting. She asked if we were married. We said ‘yes’. She asked how long. We told her coming up to fours years, but we’ve been together for just over six. She said when I walked back from the washroom , ♀ face lit up like a Christmas tree. She said it was so nice to see a couple so in love she just had to come over and tell us. Isn’t that amazing that total strangers can see it (But most of her family can’t)? She said it was her last dance of the night and she was going for take-out so we invited her over for a home-cooked meal and a pedicure, but she declined…I think she thought we were kidding.

You might be surprised why I started writing this blog. I am not by nature a very positive person. I’m moody. I’ve struggled with depression for…well…forever. I’m a difficult person to get to know. I offend people all the time, often by saying the most inappropriate things at the absolute wrong time. I can’t even begin to tell you all the bizarre shit that has spilled out of me that has pushed away really nice and decent people. I also have a knack for saying things that need to be said that no one else will, but that doesn’t win me any popularity contests.

But the thing that screws me up the most is I get stuck in my head. What I mean is shit happens and I can’t let it go…conversations will replay in my head or woulda, coulda, shoulda scenario’s play over and over. I’ve been for cognitive behavioral therapy. I know replaying these things is terribly unhealthy and feeds the depression, but letting them go can be SOOOO hard. ‘Changing how I think to change how I feel’ sounds simple, but there are times when actually doing it is SOOO hard.

Prior to the start of this blog, ♀ & I spent 18 months and a huge bucket of money on the ugliest custody/access battle you can imagine…no, seriously…picture the worst you can imagine and double it. My ex’s lawyer (a former judge) managed to drag things out until we could no longer afford a lawyer and I ended up doing a three-day trial on my own. It went…badly. Our former lawyer gave up her 10 year family law practice mostly because our case upset her that much.

When it was all done and over with (is that even possible?) I knew that I would need something to distract me.  Even now…16 months after the end of the trial, I catch myself replaying….all sorts of shit. I know I can’t change what happened, but it is so incredibly hard to let it go.

This blog was intended to be something positive I could focus on and I really think that I’ve been succeeding, but I haven’t done it alone. ♀ has been so supportive. Not only has she taken lots of pictures of me, but like many women (unfortunately) she has body image issues and she’s let me post numerous pictures of her. She hasn’t flinched when I’ve written about the most intimate details of our life. She is my muse, my hero, my…everything. Even though she’s the main reason why this blog is a success, she’d never really taken ownership of it…until this week.

I got quite misty-eyed when I saw this in the comments section the other day:  Thanks for all the great comments. Great minds think alike. It really was not that hard to pic my fav pics. Happy New Year to all our readers. XXXX

Who knows, maybe she’ll actually start writing some posts.

Anyway, I guess that’s all for tonight.



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Stardance & Zero Gravity

January 3, 2008

I first met Spider & Jeanne Robinson about 20 years ago and even though I’m not a huge sci-fi guy, I think this is very cool.


Dear xxxxxx,

In less than a week I’ll be flying high on Zero Gravity Corporation’s refitted 727  for the ride of a lifetime!  You can read all about it in the attached release, at the site <http://www.stardancemovie.com/>, and at our new blog at <http://stardancemovie.blogspot.com/>.

As you can imagine, it’s gone beyond simple excitement for me.  I’m in a place words can’t reach.  Like I said in my first blog entry, I’ve been waiting for this ride since Spider emerged from his pit to tell me he was going to write a story about a zero-gravity dancer.  That was 30 years ago.  And after the Challenger tragedy shut down the Civilian in Space program taking away my seat on the shuttle, I didn’t know if I’d ever get another chance to dance in zero-g.

Enter Dr. Peter Diamandis of X-Prize fame to the rescue.  After my Stardance PowerPoint presentation at Robert Heinlein’s Centennial Gala last July, Peter stood up and offered me 2 seats on his company’s plane.  The rest will be history in just 6 days.

Spider is coming to Vegas but he won’t be joining us for the zero-g ride.  We’ll keep him busy writing about our adventures.  We’ll post photos and a video on our site as soon as they are available.

You can help me by spreading the word about our upcoming ride online, and in the real world.  This ride is only the beginning.  I need all the help I can get to reach my ultimate goal of making a large format Stardance film.  The dream is for everyone to be able to enjoy the out-of-this-world experience of dancing in zero-gravity in an IMAX theatre.  That’s the ultimate goal — for us all to dream, dance and evolve.  

Meantime, happy holidays.

Warm smiles,
Jeanne Robinson


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 ♀ was disappointed with last week’s post. She thought I missed the whole point of what ‘The best of HNT’ was supposed to be.

Also, I think she was a little po’d that she wasn’t consulted.

So here are her 2 favourite pics from ‘07.

purple-nightie.jpg        stockings.jpg

In case you missed it, the legendary Oscar Peterson died Dec 23. 

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