I’ve been thinking about <Tom Allen’s> interview with <Ms. Rika> this week. Apparently, so were <a few other people>.

Here’s a quote:: “True submission is not about what the domme does TO the sub. It’s about what the sub does FOR the domme.”

It took us a while, but that’s a concept we managed to figure out all on our own. When we first started exploring my sissification, I was the instigator and it was all about what she could do to me. Even if I tried to dress it up to make it look like it was about her.

Your pussy is much to delicate to be touched by toilet paper, I should lick you dry after you pee.

The result was she would often feel inadequate (Maybe you need to be with someone who can satisfy your needs) and resentful (nothing I do is good enough for you).

Neither of those statements are true, but I can understand why at times she felt that way. It wasn’t until we figured out that as the Domme this lifestyle can look and be whatever she wants it to be that we started making progress. I know some cynics will say that all that’s happened is I’ve lowered my expectations, but no, really, we’ve both changed our attitudes and it has made a difference.

Here’s part of an email I sent this week:  i’m a cross-dressing sissy and ♀ is a somewhat reluctant…no, i don’t think that applies anymore…She’s an emerging domme. I couldn’t have said that even six months ago. She’s becoming more confident and assertive because it’s on her terms.

I still have and will probably always have an ever-changing and evolving list of things I’d like her to do to me, but I think as long as we  can both distinguish between our real D/s life and activities that might be fun for ‘playtime’ I think we can have those sorts of discussions without hurt feelings or unreasonable expectations. Recognizing ‘playtime’ as something seperate is another idea we got from Ms. Rika…thanks.

Cheers,

sss

Last August when ♀ was preparing to go back to school, we had several discussions on what to about a computer. The one we had was making noises like it didn’t want to live much longer. Neither of us are very techy and the blue screen of death was appearing way to often to ignore. We agreed she would need something reliable and what we had probably wasn’t. Also, once she started school full-time she’d only be working part-time and to go out and buy one might be difficult. What to do? We talked about getting a lap-top, but if she had it at school what would the boys & I use? So in the end we bought new home computer (Vista sucks).

Four months later, completely out of the blue she says, “I think we should get a lap-top.”

The rest of the discussion happened over a couple of weeks and went something like this: “We have a brand new computer. We don’t need a lap-top.”

“I was thinking of a used one. Maybe something off Ebay. It would make transferring work between school and home much easier.”

“I don’t know if an on-line purchase for something like that is such a good idea. The memory stick was supposed to look after the whole data transfer issue.”

“You could use it when we go on holidays. Even if you couldn’t get an Internet connection, you could at least write. Also, if I’m in the office and Junior is in his room I can hear him having sex. A mother shouldn’t have to listen to that.”

“I don’t mind using a pen and paper when we’re on holidays and there’s almost always someplace to check email. That one girl Junior’s been banging lately you can hear throughout the whole house. We can’t really afford it and…”

“We could use the lap-top to have cyber sex.”

“…and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look around.”

 ♀ did some research and found a local business (local as in from this time zone) that sells refurbished lap-tops. Their web site looked professional, prices seemed reasonable, they all have a 90 day warranty and I liked the idea that we could actually see them and try them and ask questions.

A couple of Saturdays ago we decided we should drive out and have a look. While we were getting ready to go, ♀ said she wanted me to wear the <Njoy> butt-plug for the day and I immediately bent over the bed so she could insert it. If you’ve never had this particular pleasure, let me tell you it feels great once it’s inside, but getting it there does take some effort (we have the large one). The TV was on while she was getting me lubed and I was trying to relax. They were talking about police Tazers…they’ve had some very bad press around here lately. ♀ wanted to know what would happen to me if I got tazered while I had a big chunk of steel up my ass. She was almost hysterical at the thought of me lighting up like a Christmas tree. See, everyone thinks I’m the pervert, but really it’s ♀.

The city where the lap-top store is was kinda out of our way, but I used to hang out in the area several lifetimes ago so we decided to make a day of it. We bought the computer, went for a nice lunch, did some shopping and ended the day by stopping in at a strip club. (If you’re new here ♀ loves the peelers…so do I, but don’t tell) It was about 4 pm and there were only about 30 people there. So not a lot of energy in the room, but great seats and prompt service. The first dancer was attractive, but she seemed bored…just going through the motions. The waitress told us there was a dancer every half-hour so we decided we would just stay for one more then head home to get the new computer up and running.

The next girl had an excellent costume…mostly just leather straps wrapped around her arms and legs and a leather thong and bra. She was also a really good dancer…lots of energy and very flexible. But she was completely flat-chested. Don’t get me wrong, flat-chested women can be sexy, it’s just that ’stripper’ seems like an odd career choice.

Now we weren’t sitting right on gyno row and yes we were talking about her, but she couldn’t possibly have heard us and I don’t think ♀ was being rude (it’s not like we were pointing and laughing), but right near the end of her set this girl stopped and yelled at us, “What the hell is your problem?”

We both looked up, “Huh?”

“You think you could do better? Let’s see your tits”

So ♀ stood up and showed everyone her beautiful breasts. She got lots of cheers. The stripper grabbed her stuff and marched off the stage.

 A couple of guys sent drinks over to our table so we stayed for one more show. This girl was attractive enough, but she couldn’t walk (or dance) in her boots. Seriously, I walk better in heels then she does. I don’t know if that’s something I would have noticed before I started cross-dressing, but her ankles kept rolling over and it was very distracting.

I needed to take the plug out of my ass when we got home and this is where I found ♀ when I came out of the bathroom….

So this past weekend ♀ decided we should have cyber sex. During the final painful year of the relationship with my ex, my only sexual contact with anyone was online. I met women (or guys pretending to be women) in Yahoo game rooms like Backgammon and Cribbage. So thinking it would be easy to find someone to play with, we picked a name and logged into the Yahoo chat rooms. What a joke. Every womans’ name we clicked on linked back to a pay web cam site. We tried some other sites, with no more success. At one site a couple of guys messaged us, but ♀ had already decided she wanted a woman for our first time.

We got bored and frustrated and ended up going onto <YouPorn> and watching a video about a very naughty babysitter. It wasn’t until after our pulse rates had returned to normal that we noticed there’s a ‘chat’ section there. We logged on for a bit, but it was kind of confusing with all the bubbles floating around.

So I have a question. If ♀ ever gets it into her head that she’d like to try cyber sex again do you have some suggestions on where we should go? It might be a very long time before that happens so I’m not asking for a specific person….just a location.

HHNT

sss

We finally got around to the special pampering I promised ♀ last week. I first got the idea after <our last pedicure>.  We have an old portable foot spa in our storage and one day a couple of weeks ago I dug it out and plugged it in to see if it still worked. It has settings for ‘heat’, ‘massage’ & ‘bubbles’.  Only the bubbles still seemed to be working, but that was OK for what I had planned.

On Valentines Day Eve I took ♀ upstairs to the office. I had the foot spa filled with hot water and Epsom salts set up under the computer desk, a glass of wine waiting for her and soft music playing. She did homework and soaked her piggies while I brushed and braided her hair. Have I ever mentioned how much I love playing with her hair?

Once her hair was done and her feet were soaked, I pulled up a stool and got to work. I filed her feet, removed the last of the old nail polish (I hate that part), clipped and filed her nails. Then I shaved her legs. It was much easier then trying to do it in the shower. I massaged lotion into her feet and body butter onto her nice smooth legs and I finished by applying two coats of ruby-red polish on her toe nails. 

The whole thing took about an hour and when I was done we retired to the boudoir aka hopped into the sack, but before I could start anything ♀ decided her pussy needed shaving. If you’re new here (We got reviewed on <Jane’s Guide>…I am so excited! Thanks Shay!) and want to see a pic of ♀ shaved pussy <click here>.

Once her pussy was shaved, I gave it the tongue test cuz that’s the only way to be sure I hadn’t missed any hairs. I had done a great job with no stubble to be found and as an added bonus she already tasted horny. So I stayed right where I was and I licked and kissed and nibbled and poked and did all the things that she loves me to do with my mouth and she groaned and moaned and stroked my head and slid one smooth leg across my shoulders while a soft foot caressed my ass and when her juices were running down my chin she told me she needed my cock so I slid up and kissed her and she reached down to guide me into her and that’s when she noticed. I had completely failed to load.

Occasionally I have troubles keeping an erection and sometimes I can’t manage an orgasm, but I can almost always get it up…especially  with all the foreplay we’d had. Usually just a whiff of her pussy is enough to get me going. The only explanation I can come up with is I’ve had a brutal cold the past few days and maybe the decongestants dried up more then my runny nose. ♀ was as compassionate and understanding as could be and even though she was really, really horny her only concern was my delicate male ego.

“What the fuck is up with that??!!”She growled without a trace of irony. She told me to kneel beside her and she took my flaccid member into her mouth. While she tried to blow life into me (funny…that whole ’sucking’ called ‘blowing’) she played with my nipples with one hand and my balls and even my ass with her other hand. Nothing.

“Have you been masturbating?” She demanded. I’m not allowed to and I haven’t cheated and I told her that and was trying to tell her it must be the cold, but she wasn’t interested.

She told me to sit on the hope-chest at the end of the bed. She said I could touch myself, but I couldn’t touch her and I couldn’t move off the hope-chest. She reached into one of her toy drawers and pulled out our biggest dildo. She slowly licked the head of it, looked over at me and said, “I’m going to show you how a real man fucks.”

While I watched she licked and sucked and transformed the silicone toy into a real live man. She told me how big and strong he was, how firm his ass felt in her hands as he slid in and out of her mouth. She described how his cock felt in her mouth, how it almost made her gag as it pushed down her throat. She smeared his pre-come on her lips and licked it off like the finest chocolate.

She wrapped her breasts around his spit-slick cock and I watched transfixed as he fucked her tits, the tip of his big purple cock meeting the tip of her pretty pink tongue with each thrust.

She guided him down her tummy, past her belly-button ring and held him tight against her freshly shaved cunt. His cock looked huge in between the two thin strips of her pubic hair. She thought so as well because she asked me if I thought he would fit. The way he was laying, he almost reached her navel. She told me she might never be the same.

Nothing would have distracted me as he slowly pushed inside of her. Her smooth lips stretching wide to accommodate him. The lips I had so carefully shaved. She told me how much he liked the smoothness of her and how he laughed when she told him I had shaved her just so he could fuck her. She described in detail how he felt as he slid further and further inside of her. When she’d taken him all the way she moved her hand and lifted her legs up so I could see.  I’d never seen her like that before; her cunt stretched wide, stuffed full of cock. I could see her clit sticking up above and a trail of pussy juice running down her ass onto the sheet.

With one hand she started rubbing her clit and with the other she helped guide him in and out of her cunt. She described how full he made her feel and how good it felt to be fucked by a man instead of a sissy. She said he liked the feel of her smooth legs against his ass cheeks and she asked me how her pretty toe nails looked against his muscular legs.

I could tell when she was getting close. Her eyes scrunched tight and her toes curled and she couldn’t do much except moan as he fucked her into oblivion. When they were done she slid him slowly out of her cunt and started licking her juices off of him.

“Do you want sloppy seconds Baby?”

It wasn’t until  then that I realized my cock was so hard it ached. I eagerly mounted her as she continued to lick him.

“Is it in yet?” She asked. 

“You better put your legs on the outside so I can squeeze mine together. Maybe then I’ll be able to feel that little pencil dick”

I did as she instructed. “I guess that’s a little better, but not much. I’d never realized how small your sissy-clitty was until I had a real man.” 

She held him up to my face. “Look Baby, he’s hard again. You better hurry up or he just might fuck that horny little ass of yours.”

That’s all it took. It felt like I came gallons inside of her, but she took no notice of my orgasm. She just kept licking his big purple cock. When I was done she told me I could lick her clean.

She seemed to enjoy me eating two big loads of ejaculate out of her pussy because she was able to have a second big O. Then fantasy guy went back in the toy drawer, I went to work and ♀ slept very well.

Cheers,

sss

It’s Valentines Day and except for about an hour early this morning ♀ & I won’t get to spend anytime together at all. So we planned to spend a romantic evening together this past Saturday. Junior was given notice that he’d need to make himself scarce, ♀ had a very special dinner planned including two recipes she’d never tried before (mushroom caps stuffed with crab and coddled cod), I bought a nice bottle of wine and had lots of pampering planned. We had breakfast together Saturday morning when I got home from work, we had nooky and before I drifted off to lala land, gave me last minute instructions on what would need to be done before she got home from work.

Well, you know what the say about the best laid plans…Just as ♀ was leaving for work my mother called to tell her about <this>. Of course ♀ got very excited and she started calling the house. There isn’t a phone in our room and I wear ear plugs so by the time I got up at 2pm she’d left 6 messages on the machine. I checked out the website and hell yeah it looked like tons of fun, but we’d only have about 90 minutes between when she got home and when we’d need to leave.

I know not every woman would want a cross-dressing sissy for a husband, but there are benefits. Here’s how the rest of the afternoon unfolded. In one of the messages she told me what corset she wanted to wear, but she wasn’t sure what skirt she would wear with it. She mentioned seeing some skirts at a little boutique near our house last week, but she wouldn’t have time to stop in after work so if I could find something that would work she’d be ever so grateful. So I went shopping.

When she got home from work she had a quick run through the shower, then I helped her into her corset, the skirt I’d bought matched and fit, the little jacket I’d bought looks great and fits like it was made for her. I also bought a top and it turns out that she’d been looking at the same one when she was in the store. It’s cute and stretchy and will fit either of us. I had one of my garters out for her as well as the retro stockings I bought from What Katie Did last year. I also had her shoes, necklace, earrings and perfume picked out. She chose her own panties.

After dinner (it was delicious…she’s an awesome cook) I braided her hair and by the time she had her makeup on I had the dishes done and we were on our way out the door 1 hour and 45 minutes after she’d got home from work.

Here are a couple of pics before we left…

The dance was tons of fun… we’ve been taking dance lessons and tried out what we’ve learned…not much I’m afraid, there were some really good dancers there., The band was great…4 different vocalists and lots of music I love, but don’t get to hear live very often. Some of the waitresses were body painted, some were wearing very sexy lingerie..all very cute except for the one wearing 2 different shades of light pink. There was a Can Can troupe and they sat at our table after their performance…I think ♀ wants to take up Can Can dancing, There was a burlesque dancer, complete with balloons and big feathers…♀ really enjoyed that, maybe almost as much as strippers. But the highlight for me was the <girl doing body painting>…

HHNT

sss

I’m curious…were the facial slaps the lap dancer delivered to you a catalyst of some kind for you and ♀?  I don’t know if I have the personal fortitude to do something like that.  I mean, I’ve spanked a man before but that was to try it out for both of us.  I enjoyed it, as did he, but neither of us got a particular sexual thrill out of it.  I wouldn’t mind doing it again but I don’t know that I’d ever actually get a charge out of it, you know? C.

When we first started exploring my sissification, I would ask ♀ to spank me not because it gave me a sexual thrill, but it was a way to show my desire to be submissive to her. Being dominate, especially physically, doesn’t come naturally to ♀ & the theory was a spanking was an easy way for her to assert herself.

The stripper slapped me because ♀ had told her I wasn’t allowed to get an erection. Brooke was doing the sorts of things lap dancers do and I was getting turned on so she slapped me. If a strange woman walked up and did that it wouldn’t turn me on, but in the context that it happened, it was hot.

My point is context is everything. I want ♀ to dominate me. I crave it. I want to be owned by her. I want her to possess my mind and body; to use me and abuse me as she sees fit. I live to give her pleasure, make her happy and satisfy her desires. In other words, I am her bitch and a well timed slap helps reinforce that.

My pain threshold is not particularly high, and being hurt by her probably isn’t going to get me excited, but if I’m already turned on then being spanked or slapped or bitten or pinched or scratched or…really does add to the pleasure. It seems to sharpen the experience, brings it more in focus. Does that make sense? She doesn’t do it all the time (we all need variety), but I love knowing that she can hurt me anytime she wants.

♀ insists that physically dominating me isn’t a huge turn on for her. She does it to give me pleasure, but I’m not sure if that’s entirely true. The picture from last weeks HNT post was taken after a long (and rough) love making session and she certainly seemed to be enjoying herself. She also looked darn pleased with her handiwork when she took that picture.

Cheers,

sss

I have worked night shift for so long that even on weekends and during holidays I keep the same basic schedule.  All night shift all the time is easier than a rotating schedule (We had to work rotating shifts at the shop where I did my apprenticeship. I hated that. I could never get the hang of afternoon shift), but there are challenges.

I need to be awake by 2pm to pick Mini up from school…that’s when my day starts. I usually get home from work about 5am. That doesn’t leave a very big window to get sleep. If I’m not snoring by about 7am, it’s going to be a very long day. The rest of the world is up and about when I’m trying to sleep so it’s noisy; I wear ear plugs. Mr. Sunshine is an issue; I wear eye-shades. ♀ tries hard to plan around when I need to sleep, but sometimes there are things that absolutely require I be awake before 2pm. I haven’t always been fortunate enough to have a partner who understands the importance of sleep management. Mini’s mother was of the opinion that every hour slept during the day counted as 2 hours spent sleeping at night. In other words I should function just as well on 4 daytime hours of sleep as she did on 8 nighttime hours.

I guess it’s not surprising that it was during the time spent with her that I first started having real problems with insomnia. It got to the point where I was going to bed 2 or 3 times a day and only getting 4 or 5 hours sleep. That was before Mini. After he was born and going to bed 3 times a day was no longer an option I tried to get some medical help. The first doctor I saw told me God did not intend for man to work night shift and I should find a new profession. The next doctor told me to give up all caffeine, all alcohol and all naps. She reasoned that if I only went to bed once a day that eventually I would sleep through. That might be a good theory, but at the time we lived an hour away from the bakery and if I had a couple of hours before I needed to leave for work and I was tired enough to sleep it was damn hard to convince myself not to have a nap.

I remember lots of times driving with the windows rolled down to try and stay awake. One night I got to work about 20 minutes early and I just had to sleep. I set the alarm on my phone and put the seat back. I was sound asleep when a cop came by and tapped on my window with his flashlight. That has to be the most unsettling way to wake up. Ever. Behind the wheel of my car with a bright light shining in my face. I thought I’d had an accident. Then trying to explain to the cop that I wasn’t drunk.

It was around that time I started taking travel tabs to try and help me sleep. I’ve always been paranoid about addictions and travel tabs seemed mild enough that I didn’t think it would be a problem. There’s a big difference between an addiction and a habit and my use of travel tabs falls into the category of a habit. There have been times during the past 10 years when I’ve taken them 5 or 6 mornings a week, but I didn’t notice any withdrawal symptoms if I didn’t take them. I just didn’t sleep as well.

About a year ago I started taking melatonin and that seemed to help. Quite often I would alternate between the melatonin and the travel tabs. That combined with a nap in the evening after ♀ & I had fucked before I went to work and most days I was able to get enough sleep to function. Ideally I’d like to get 6 hours of continuous sleep, but that didn’t happen very often. More often then not I’d get 4-5 hours during the day and another 60-90 minutes before work (4 hours is my absolute minimum).

That probably doesn’t sound like much sleep, but we can get used to almost anything, right? Well something changed just after this past Christmas. All of a sudden I couldn’t sleep for more then 3 hours at a time. I fell asleep easily enough (I was exhausted), but 3 hours later I’d be wide awake. I tried everything; more travel tabs, more melatonin, different foods in the morning, a snack when I woke up, I cut out all caffeine, I stopped drinking any alcohol during the week and was only having 2 or 3 beers during the weekends, ♀ even gave me permission to masturbate to try and get back to sleep. Nothing.

It was the beginning of the second week when ♀ started after me to go to a doctor, but I was stubborn and held out until half way through the third week. Mini was with me when I finally admitted defeat and went to the clinic. I told the doctor pretty much everything I’ve told you here as well as my concerns about addictions.

We talked for awhile then the doctor said I might be a candidate for a clinical research trial with an investigational drug treatment (esmirtazapine maelate). He wasn’t in charge of the study, but he wanted to give my information to the doctor who was and he left the office to get me the information package on how the trial would work.

While we were waiting I looked over at Mini, his eyes were huge and he said with absolute awe in his voice, “You’re going to be a lab rat. That is just about the coolest thing ever. Do you think you’ll get xray vision or start to glow in the dark?”

When the doctor got back, Mini asked him if there might be any really cool side-effects. The doctor said that was what the study was going to find out. That was good enough for him. I was about to be the coolest dad ever.

♀ wasn’t nearly as excited about me being a lab rat and I think she was very relieved when the clinic called the next day to say I was ineligible because I go to bed after 11 pm.

Instead they prescribed a low dose of trazodone and I’m happy to say it seems to be working. I finished the 2 week supply he gave me 4 days ago and I’m still able to sleep for 6 hours. Yippee. I think I’ll get it refilled for those days when I can’t sleep and I’ll keep taking the melatonin  (your body produces less of it as you get older).

A good nights sleep might make me feel better, but apparently it has a bad effect on my memory. I started this post on the weekend and I remember having a very smooth segue into an explanation of the following picture. I didn’t have time to write another post so you’ll just have to take my word for it that there was a very clever connection between Mini calling me a lab rat and ♀’s new found enthusiasm for being a Dom.

Spanking, face slapping, biting, scratching and pinching are all now part of her repertoire…

HHNT

sss

To try and keep exercising interesting, ♀ took belly dance lessons.

Skye was her instructor…

sss